The Great Non-Event.

                                             The Great 
                                             Non-Event. human stories

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a very strange story in which the normal non-happened.

The Great Non-Event.

The day was not an uneventful one. There were still minor catastrophes and jubilations. There were deaths, there were births, but mainly there were people stuck in between the two carrying on with whatever they usually did. There were wars, and trade wars, pretend wars, and threats of wars. It certainly was not a reenactment of the 18th of April, 1930, on which there

was no news. Things did occur and in great quantities. However, it was also the day of the Great Non-Event. Now, the Cambridge Dictionary helpfully explains that a non-event (noun: nɒn.ɪˈvent) is 'a disappointing occasion that was not interesting, especially one that was expected to be exciting and important', which is not strictly what happened,

however, it is the word that best fits. The day was not uneventful because of events that had taken place, but equally, not one of those events actually mattered (side note: it could not be an in-event, or im-event because those just sound silly). That is not to say that the events did not matter at the time, no, they were just as pertinent as they were the day

before. Pain and misery were felt just as harshly, and love was still as miraculous, but none of them had any impact on life itself. From the time that the sun came over the horizon, to the time it set, it was as if the world had been granted an extra day. It is a shame, really, that we did not know that this extraordinary non-event would happen - consider all the

things we could have done if we knew that nothing would matter! All the tests we could run, all the emotions we could feel, all that we could learn in those 24 hours knowing that none of what physically happened would have non-occured the day after. The world as the perfect petri-dish. Of course, there were some drawbacks. People who died suddenly became non-dead, surprising their grieving

families and friends. Some lived to tell the tale, others died regardless. On the other end of the spectrum, babies became non-born, and their unfortunate mothers had to go through labour all over again. Some particularly unfortunate mothers had to go through one continuous labour, being pushed back to the beginning at midnight. For academics, the records of

the Great Non-Event are a great source of mental stimulation and philosophy. There were measurements taken, the weather, the stocks, and so forth, but oddly none of them exists - or rather all of them non-exist, wiped off every database, every computer, every handwritten note or diary. Actual proof of the non-event resides solely in memories, which are do not hold up to rigorous scientific

standards at all (however, I do believe certain unscrupulous scientists tried to legitimise them anyway, in all sorts of painful manners). As per usual, the Great Non-Event was most useful to the upper echelons of society. Politicians could take back whatever war they decided to start, stock-brokers could pretend they had not accidentally crashed the

markets, and a whole lot of notable people no longer had to file for superinjunctions for sleeping with each other. Lesser mortals (that is you and me, dear reader) managed to avoid similar disasters, but ours are unlikely to sell national newspapers. And so, the day after the Great Non-Event, the world sighed a sigh of relief that has never been sighed before. Every

mistake was non-hashed, and every problem non-sustained. The world had reset itself. Even the Doomsday Clock counted down to the apocalypse with a certain air of contentment. No one knows why it happened, or what caused it, or if the non-event was just some global seizure and it's all in our heads. There are conspiracies out there, there are cults out there. There are all sorts of strange

people saying strange things out there. But even if it never happened, doubtless they would find something else to theorise, like what exactly is the point of the ham sandwich. Regardless, I have written this down so that it may be found in the future. With any luck, you will know what non-happened to us, on that bizarre but brilliant day.

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