Well, I've tried the goggles, The underwater trick, The bread, the thread, But it's all the same shtick.
I've danced out of the way, Sneaked close, chopped, and ran, But I can't shift the sting, 'Til the bulb hits the pan.
I don't know if its personal, If its just me they attack, But all I needed was the onion, The one thing that I lack.
Oh, it makes me sob! Streams stream from my eyes, So these onion chopping tricks, Well, they're all just lies.
This is my final resort, How hard must I try! Please help me, I beg you, Or leave me to cry.