Alternatively, you have too weak a brain for them to have any effect, and you bumble quite happily through life dribbling on yourself. One might say pea-brained. And now to the exact cause of that dreadful day, the apocalypse that befell us, where it all ended. It turns out (as I so often does on the internet) that there was a tiny, more proactive pocket of the
cult that used the internet to spread their message. Here, we must bear in mind the fickleness of fashion. Giant group orgies are currently not in vogue, and healthy eating is. Poke bowls, bulghur wheat, whatever spirulina is and whatever it does - if it says organic and vegan on the tin, it'll be a surefire winner with the millennials and their mothers alike. Food has the
unlikely combination of being both necessary and wanted, and therefore the fact that wanted food is healthy is a bonus. It signifies that not only are you cultured, you are also willing to put at least a minimal attempt into 'living well' and makes your pretend exercise regime seem just that little bit more valid. The leader of the tiny tribe of keyboard cultists, Françios
Marche knew that - he worked as a used car salesman, and was an expert in turning suspicious looking vehicles into the lastest supercars, to him making cult-worship into something boujee was just the same. The first thing Mr Marche did was to revamp their image. Fresh linen and waxing strips at the ready, he cleaned, trimmed, and generally made socially acceptable the image (and
and followers). A few photographs later, and they had gone worldwide. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, even Pinterest had accounts linked to the benefits of peas. Soon after, they were found by the masses and shared all across the ethernet. The Great Cleansing may have wiped them into obscurity, by Marche's cleaning has pulled them right back to an even more prominent position.
'Health' he had tagged their diet under. 'Vitality', 'Strenght'...'Booty'. Irresistible words that would drag in even the most stubborn, the most anti-fad, and ill-tempered chefs - all would have to try. And once all tried, all were trapped. Such high concentrations of peas in one swift go. The average body was just not used
to such toxins! Blood cells could not fight it, the lymph nodes may as well have not existed, and who knows what the liver was doing (if it was not killed by the alcohol of New Year's). We may never know if it was Marche's true intentions to enslave the human race. One hell of an accident if it wasn't, but because he had not included those all important
health and saftey warnings on his posts and recipies, disaster had befallen us all. And now, perhaps, at last, we may return to the story.