Void Email
Void Email mental illness stories
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susurrus
susurrus Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
Just an email about the void

Void Email

Dear Reader,

Jeez, I have no idea how to start this email. The start of this school semester was off to a rocky start. I had panic attacks left and right, I couldn't beat my anxiety.

Tbh, I've been doing pretty bad. I stopped caring about my class, I skipped a few, and then I just stopped going to class altogether.

I told my friends that I was going to personal counseling, but I didn't tell them how bad it actually was.

I feel lost, it literally being in a void, I don't know what I want to do in life, I just want to do nothing all the time.

I' am in a dark place, and every once in a while, I find myself just trying to think about the positives. It's hard.

Sunday was the worst day of it all, I was already frustrated because of work and with everything already building up, I had a nervous breakdown.

I couldn't stop crying.

Everything I had bottled up was spilling and I couldn't stop it.

I don't know where all this pain is coming from.

My heart feels so heavy,

I can feel the pain, but I don't know the reason for this pain.

Where Did I Go Wrong?

I don't mean to make you worried, I just... I guess I just need to put everything in perspective.

In everything that I try to do, I feel like I can never reach what I'm trying to grasp so hard.

When I am with friends, it is easy to slip into this persona I have pulled up, I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad, I feel empty.

I don't worry my friends, I use empty smiles and laughter to hid the pain and mask the void.

The more I write, the easier the words seem to flow. Sometimes I see the beauty and the poetry in all of this. But I can't hone it. I can't morph it to the art that I want to see.

The art I see is something, dark. It's dark and beautiful but its also terrifying.

It is something I try to hide behind a black curtain. I can see it, even while it is hidden.

The light that it produces isn't warm, it's like a light produced by the moon, it is soft and cold.

Did I ever tell you that I always preferred the moon over the sun?

Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I liked the moon is that it is the only being of light that has seen me cry.

Anyway, I think I am done for today. Thank for listening.

See yah!

-Writer

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