i thought i was supposed to hate writers.
or just simply don't like them.
i thought i was supposed to think that writers are just liars with flowery vocabularies,
or just someone with delusions of grandeur.
i thought i was supposed to think that they are just people with a weird, unpromising job,
but min suga wasn't like that.
he's not a best-selling author, he doesn't have anything of him published yet,
but he had letters and poems and words written in his tattered-back journal,
and if words are able to contain worlds then his contains the universe.
i have troubles reading since i was little. i got words mixed up -- then and than and them, you and your and yours.
on bad days, they even flown out the pages. up, up, and away.
teachers had given up giving me reading and writing assignments because i can't get them right. and i can't really blame them.
they put me in classes and sessions and doctors after doctors and although they did help, they frustrate me a lot more.
they make me feel like i'm stupid and even though i'm perfectly aware of it myself, they still think that i need a reminder.
the thing with min suga is, you'd thought he doesn't care.
you'd think he live in a different reality,
for he's always too lost in everything else that we can never really tell-- the words, the world, or both.
but he saw me crying one day, and he came up to me and he simply said, "you're not stupid."
and i said no, i am. i said i can't even read properly.
"that's okay," he said as he shrugged, "you can listen." then he read me a few poems from his journal and asked me what i think.
another thing about min suga is,
he knows things that others don't.
he knows how to listen to silence, how to listen to the sunlight before dawn breaks, how to listen to the sky.
he knows how to see the cracks in the universe. how to let the rain pour until flowers grow in between and make the cracks almost nonexistent,
and he knew that i was falling for him before i do.
it's not like i didn't know it was coming. i'm not stupid.
a guy and girl cannot be just friends,
not when the guy is min suga, whose heart is too big for his body.
but even the stupidest girl in the world know that no writers would settle for someone who can not read for her life
not here, not in this reality. or any reality, really.
i thought i was supposed to hate writers. and i thought i did. i really thought i did.
but i love min suga, who was always lost in his words.
and if i keep loving him then maybe, just maybe...
someday he will be lost in me instead.