Today’s the day Silence with empty words Why do I do this? My self perpetuating loathing and misery It’s not depression More akin to self mutilation
I was too hopeful I looked too deeply for something that wasn’t there Can I say it? Can I write these words?
Acknowledging the truth of it is only one sided
Green and blue and brown Ordinary colors Painful ones
They unknowingly cause more hurt Those indescribable colors Constantly shifting Always changing Yet the same to me
When I look, no that is the wrong word, When I suffocate, smothered in their careless intensity I wish I was blind.
Blue is not blue It is deep and dark Hauntingly empty of what I seek There’s nothing truly there Only the vague wisps of what was meant to comfort But even that is void
Green is not green Full of life and maybe more There is no care Suffocating green Everlasting green My preferential color
Brown is many things Perhaps this hurts the most
Why? I don’t want to be here Not with you of all people Do I follow you? Or do you follow me?
Is the world telling me this is the way? I will run. So far away
Memories are unwanted They strike Silently tearing and wearing me down
Already the tears are forming Slicing into my skin So agonizingly slow
I thought I was done The bridge was burned It was taken from me It's still there Taunting me with hope and self induced misery