Lonely Girl Does Stupid Things: Always read the label.
It's never my intention to wind up in the weird and woeful situations I seem to find myself in. I guess I'm a romantic at heart.
I like to curl up on my bed and watch movies where chance meetings in libraries and cafes become true love or lifelong friendship.
Someone drops their book or spills their coffee and the two laugh and hit it off, it fills me with such gusto and motivation to go out and make my own story,
but I always seem to forget that most of these movies are set in America, and I live in South East London. No one talks to anyone in London.
If I dropped a book, someone would probably just step over it, and if I spilt my coffee, that would suggest I drink coffee, and I most certainly cannot sit on my own in a cafe.
Mcdonalds maybe, but not a cafe I'd be too scared.
All I want in life is to have someone with whom I can feel connected to and tell anything to.
I have family and that's all well and good but it's different when it's people you've been forced among.
To make a connection with someone in this world because you have a chemistry and mutual liking, it's different, it's special and you see the thing is, I've never had that before.
I've never had a boyfriend. I almost did once. His name was Joel, he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I was so shy I just replied ' I don't know'.
He was the best looking boy in my reception class as well. All my friends have or have had boyfriends and I use the term 'Friends' loosely.
They laugh and make fun of me on account of how inexperienced I am.
I don't know why I haven't found anyone yet, I don't think I'm hideous, perhaps I'm not quite up to par with some of the girls nowadays but I'm not so undatable am I?
Well any ways, that brings me to the sad sad events of the sixth of July. It was my twenty fourth birthday.
My friends suggested we go out, like to a club, I'd never been before, no particular reason, it just hadn't happened.
So usually I can be the shy and shrinking violet type, but me turning twenty four had given me a feeling of wanting to peel away the shell of my boring self and be someone different,
summer was setting in and I was feeling ready to go out and meet new people. In the back my hopeless romantic mind, maybe even the one, so I thought going out would be a good idea.
I was going with Lani and Faith.
The reason I use the word 'friends' loosely is because they are the kind of girls one would call, how can I put it?
We went to secondary school together and I really don't have many other friends, so I suppose I just stuck with them, If I stopped talking to them I wouldn't have any friends at all,
Well by the end of my birthday I'm not even sure I'd care to see any of them again, but let me not jump ahead. The three of us went into town to buy outfits.
The two of them were beautiful and admired by any men who walked by.
Lani was tall with long brown hair, and an athletic physique, always in shorts or mini skirts while Faith was more my height, curvy with straight black hair, and her tits always on show.
I was always the forgotten one, I guess I'm just not as confident as they are. My wardrobe usually consists of black or grey.
I never show my legs or my midriff or my chest, I'd feel so stupid, I'm used to dressing comfortably.
Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and notice they way a top hugs my body, and I like what I see. My boobs are kind of big, which I think makes me look frumpy.
I've got nice hips, well a guy told me once when I was sixteen walking home, which now in hindsight was really creepy.
Anyway me Lani and Faith went to Croydon shopping centre to find our outfits. Something had spurred in me a desire to change, be daring, be different.
You know in secondary school I was the quiet girl who never stood up for herself, that's probably what my friends liked about me, I was like a pet,
they could laugh at and knew I'd never say anything. I dressed like I acted, as not to be noticed. But I'm sick of that me, I just want to be myself and proud of it.
Though it would help if I knew who myself actually was.
"Do you think I should wear a two piece?" Lani asked stood in a pink two piece browsing the rack.
We were in Debanhams, looking for outfits, Lani and Faith were so self assured, knew what they wanted, but I just didn't have a clue.
"Could do.." Faith told her, wearing denim skinny jeans and a black crop top, they both were in their own worlds focused on their current mission in life, finding an outfit for the night.
I was wearing brown combat trousers and a black and white, figure hugging top.
It's funny, when I looked in the mirror in the morning I almost thought I looked alluring, kind of cute, casual but still attractive.
I left my house and the first guy I passed looked me up and down, confirming my thoughts, but as soon as I met up with these two, no one even noticed me, and is it me,
or do all these department store mirrors make you look like crap, I hate looking in them.
"I have no idea what to wear" I said.
"Just make sure it's not below the knee" Lani said, reminding us all of her last birthday, and my mum had stupidly convinced me to wear her brown skirt, It was old, weighty and grannyish,
I have no idea what was going through my mind.
I was thinking it matched my top, but it was a disaster, everyone was laughing at me, much like Lani and Faith in the shop thinking about it as they browsed the racks.
They both quickly began filling their arms full of dresses, tops and two pieces, which made me feel self conscious, I just didn't know what to wear.
A silver sequinned mini dress was on one of the racks, that could work, I was thinking, I picked it up, but I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb, I put it back.
Green off the shoulder bodycon dress, it might suit me, I picked it up, but green is so out there, I put it back.
I could see Lani and Faith look at me then back at each other rolling their eyes as if I didn't notice. I can't help the way I am, I wished I had their confidence.
"Hurry up you don't have anything to try on!" Faith yelled at me.
"Yea we wanna go to the changing room now." Lani joined in. I felt panicked, why do I have to be so awkward. Better yet why do I have such conceited inconsiderate, insensitive friends?
"Hey what about this, this might suit you" Lani said. Holding up shiny purple halter-neck dress. I turned and looked at the thin revealing outfit, nothing like I had ever worn before.
The two girls looked at me make my typical weary unsure face.
Lani one hand on her hip staring at me holding the dress on the hanger and Faith clutching her many outfits ready to try on impatient. I didn't want to try it on at all, but I bullied myself.
Remember it's a new me, new clothes, new life, just try it. I told myself. I took the dress and smiled casually,
"Yea it might." I said then took the dress and walked towards the changing rooms.
"I wasn't expecting her to say that." I heard Faith say behind me.
"Me neither" Lani said. I was the one heading first to the changing rooms, picking up other dresses as I went.
It felt weird, this new me but it felt good, no more miss sheep, now I was my own person.
When we tried on our outfits it was like a montage from a chick-flick, it was fun. Okay Lani and Faith were extremely self centred but they were still fun to hang out with.
All the outfits I tried on just didn't look right, or maybe it was the ugly mirrors in the changing rooms.
They were either to frumpy, ill fitting or just made me look as if I were trying too hard. Then I finally tried on Lani's suggestion.
It was silky and cool on my skin, I'd never worn a halter neck dress before.
I stood in front of the mirror, it was okay I guess, the hem was well above my knees and it wasn't too clingy, but whoa, as I turned around it exposed way more of my back than I was expecting,
and to be honest, I think my bust was a little too big for this dress. I could hear Lani and Faith talking outside commenting on each outfits.
I was feeling rather like a character in a film and wanted to get a girlfriends opinion on the dress like in the movies. I stepped out and saw the two of them look me up and down.
"That looks nice" Faith said. I couldn't really tell her reaction but it seemed genuine.
"Yea it suits you" Lani said. I couldn't help but smile inside, I thought it looked okay, but I wasn't too sure.
"You guys sure?" I asked
"Yea definitely and look it's half price, twenty-five pounds" Lani said looking at the label.
"Yea that's true" I said.
"But we better go to the lingerie section, cos you'll need a strapless bra or something, unless you already have one?" She continued, raising her eyebrow.
"No, I don't" I said.
"Of course you don't" Faith laughed. Whatever I thought to myself. I took another look in the mirror, for a second I hated it, it was just so different from me, it was so them, but it wasn't me.
"You guys are sure it looks alright?" I asked.
"Yes it looks fine, lets go, I'm hungry!" Faith whined, going back into the changing, Lani followed going into hers and I was left looking at myself imagining what the night would be like.
I envisioned walking into the building, all eyes on me, directly across the room the hottest guy, stood looking at me,
he puts his drink down and walks towards me grabs me by the waist and kisses me softly, then I ditch these two and run off with him and we realise we're soul mates.
I came back to earth then took a final look in the mirror.
"Tonight is going to be unforgettable." I whispered to myself and walked back into my changing booth. I didn't know how right I would be.