You were once my rock,
my place of shelter and warmth. My fireplace on a cold night. The solid part of me that I thought would never leave. You were once my rock,
But now you are a grain of sand in the wind. The rock was shattered into small pieces. The small pieces were ground into the earth we trample on along with my heart.
Your life was taken too early. You left too soon. Now there is a hole in my chest. The darkness swallows me everyday I do not have you beside me. The depression sits on my mind like a ravenous wolf, ready to devour my thoughts and end my life.
I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts! The gentle caress of your fingers. The soft but strong sound of your voice. The sight of your body as you move. My rock is now gone. My rock is now gone. My rock is now gone! The disease took you and it is not fair!
My rock will never come back.
So I guess I have to find a new rock. One that will never leave me or forsake me. One that is eternal and won’t escape. One that can feed this ravenous wolf of grief inside of me.
But even then, I won’t be satisfied. You were my light and now there is darkness.
There is no one on this earth who can replace your beauty. Only cheap look a likes of the woman you used to be. These women will never have your smile, your laugh, your touch!
I hate these women for not being you. My rock. I try to search for another. I desperately search for your soul again. I do not want to admit again that you are gone. There has to be a way to find you again.
But it is all meaningless. The depression sits and sits. The schizophrenia worsens and worsens. I can’t escape the thoughts whirling in my mind. The voices whisper in my mind, telling me things. Evil things. They bring my heart even further into the dirt.
That is, until I finally found her. The one who was holding you captive. You! You were trapped. You needed freedom! My rock was trapped by this vile human being.
I had to free you. There was no other way, my love. I had to do it, my heart. Multiple times I found you. These women were holding your soul. The voices told me this. They never lie to me. I love you, Adina. Please stay with me forever and ever.
Even as I sit here in this dark cell, remain with me. Don’t leave.
I miss you. My rock. My foundation.