I always dreaded when the weather would start to get cooler and the leaves changed from green to brown. Winter reminded me of darkness and I was always scared of the dark before.
I'm not exactly sure what made me hate winter so much but when it was winter, it felt like time had stopped. This year felt different. This was the first year I hated summer.
The heat makes it impossible to not do anything, and not feel guilty about it. Summer is growth and parties and friends. As soon as the weather started to change, I felt relieved.
Relieved the world could stop doing things without me. It got dark fast and the temperature dropped. Long sleeves hid the marks of summer. I could hide my existence in big clothes.
The world feels just as unmotivated as I do. I can stay in bed as long as i want and not take the time to get ready because i'll just be doing the same thing as yesterday.
Except now i don't feel bad about it. I'm not scared of letting my days go to waste because it's just winter after all.
Isn't that what everyone does during winter? The days get darker, everything seems to pass by so fast and I want it to stay this way.
I want to be able to tell myself something that won't make it seem like I'm a waste. Like I should be doing something else. I wish I was excited for summer again.