Making it up as we go along
Making it up as we go along winter stories
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sophiewilson
sophiewilsonCommunity member
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
Happiness is a decision I am bad at making because decisions make me anxious. Now it’s winter again,

Making it up as we go along

Happiness is a decision I am bad at making

because decisions make me anxious. Now it’s winter again,

and it’s the longest winter I have ever lived through,

as I move like fevered breath set against its backdrop,

I know a little more about the seasons now,

and I know about what they can mean to a person.

I still get lonely, so I take myself for frosty walks

where my mind clings to half-thoughts

before getting drunk again, but it’s nice

to talk when we’re not drunk or high.

I tried going crazy, but now a softer sadness

greets me with tears at the end of the day.

I could be seventeen again, seized by a desire to be

as close to everything as possible, where

music and people draw me outside of my room,

drowning deep thoughts that seem laughable now.

I have been many versions of myself.

I will not be the same person or repeat the past.

I have lots of dreams- oh you have your life

all figured out. But being home makes me reckless.

None of us do. We make it up as we go along.

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