Being a survivor of the greatest shipwreck i was always asked how it felt to see my life flash before my eyes.
I never had an answer to that, but each time that question was asked I go back to the time when I saw Mr. Andrews standing infront of the fireplace with the water at our knees, pouring through the openings of the ship with a glass filled with brandy, I presume as it was his favourite in his hands staring at the clock infront of him.
his eyes filled with guilt counting down the minutes till he would be consumed by the water. He wasn't going to try to find shelter and rescue I knew that when i asked "won't you even make a try for it" he then said "i'm sorry i couldn't build you a stronger ship young Rose", and handed Jack and I a live vest. With a hug and a quiet goodluck i said with my cheeks pressed against his chest, I and jack continued our journey for survival.
Eighty seven years later and still that memory was as green as it could be. I ofsten wondered what went through his mind as he stood infront of the fireplace. Amongst all the other priviledged people i sat around he was my favourite and i knew he had a soft spot for me too. was it the guilt? ,was it too much for him to live with himself after he promised them an unsinkable ship?, was it the thought of knowing people will be left to die because of their egos?.
i could never decipher which one but i always wondered what his last thoughts where. what of those that didn't see the need to fight that accepted that it was their fate and went into their rooms with their loved ones waiting for their end to come, or the mother that sang her children to sleep knowing that soon they'll all be dead?
I know that I could never Imagine how they felt during those last moments, one could only wonder. I waited years to tell this story and oh the relief and hapiness that swept through my body, like I was eighteen all over again. I laid back with my face towards the ceiling and hands pressed to my chest remembering the last words he said to me."you won't die here rose" he said .
you'll get married, have children,great grand children, have many many adventures, grow old- he paused to look at me with a smile that still warmed me all over though i was shivering.
Oh Jack like i could hear the sound of your laughter,and feel your chapped,cold lips on my hands once more. "you'll die a peaceful death my sweet sweet rose, you won't freeze to death out here" he said. Yet i wasn't the one neck deep in the frozen water, what i did to deserve someone so selfless. "I'll see you soon jack" i said and in an instant everything went dark.
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