There are things about you and me that you'll never know about, things I could never tell.
Where are all these feelings I can not understand coming from, why can I not resist to smile back?
I want to be able to express myself near you. I want to hold you when you hug me, but all I do is lapidify, leaving only your hands around me, with mine just hanging loose, instead of wrapping them around you too.
I want you to know how I see you, how I neglect all your flaws, heck... I might even love some of them and it's all because they are yours. How I get lost in those eyes of yours... I could look at them all the time, but I don't want them to see me, for I am too afraid of what they might see.
I strive to belong to you, wishing I could just let you see me for who I truly am, wishing I could let you love me chivalrous, but I can't. I feel like I'm not worthy enough, so I hide and remain silent. But from the inside I scream, I scream so loud to the point of feeling like my brain could just blast in any moment.
That is the reason I get so many blackouts, just trying to restrain my thoughts and not let them tell you anything, not let myself say anything of what I may in any way feel ashamed of subsequently.
And even if I were to show you of what I'm capable of, proving that I love you unconditionally, even then you wouldn't hear me say those words aloud.
You'll never get to hear those words from me. I'm too proud to say them. Too scared that you won't feel or mean the same. So I will cry and tear myself apart and then put the pieces back together when you turn up.
It's becoming lonely, pathetic even, that sad - I am all right.