Forgive me, but I'm obsessed with her. I know it's not healthy; no, it's actually rather fucked up... Thinking so much about the girl you yourself don't want to think about anymore.
Haha, it looks sick even to my own eyes as I type it out in Word. Immature. Insecure. Pathetic. Can't help it, boy. Forgive me, but that's who I am.
You can't blame me for this, though. You've been a victim of it yourself; so, I believe a small part of you'd understand.
She's so lovely, after all. A face which, once seen, impossible to be forgotten. She's flawless to a T. I bet you'll agree with me on this, won't you?
You know, deep down, I wonder if I could even compare. Haha, what am I thinking? No, of course not. Deep down, I know you believe it too.
But then again, ain't it a little absurd to even consider it? She's incomparable, to begin with, after all.
However, I know you see far beyond physical beauty. Point made. But, you see, that hardly matters. Even though I haven't met or talked to her, I know she's gold. No, actually, she's an entire treasure. That's what she means, after all.
I understand. Better than anyone. Believe me, I do. Why you fell in love with her. Because, you know, somehow, I can't help it either.
She's kind. She's beauty inside out. She's perfection. And that, oh, no matter how I wish, I couldn't even begin to compare.
She's the one beside whom...you look like you belong. So, it hurts. Everytime I see you beside me, it hurts. Everytime you say you love me, it hurts.
You're the smartest guy I ever had had the privilege of meeting. But sometimes, I question your sanity.
My case is justified: it's impossible not to love you. You're so cool, it hurts. And you're so caring, it hurts even more so.
But then you say you love someone like me. And that's where all your fault lies. That's where your perfection shatters.
They say having your love reciprocated is a blessing. That's true. Undoubtedly true; but half-true. What they don't tell is it's more of a curse than it could ever be a blessing. And half-truths are the most dangerous thing in this world. They eat you from inside.
And at the end of the day, I can't say if I really want you to love me. No, probably not. But then I remember how broken I was in unrequitedness. And then I realize how I couldn't even imagine my life without you in it.
And it hits me how selfish I am. Gods. Selfish. And shameless. Spending the entire day in guilt. But I sleep peacefully at night, knowing you're by my side. And I deliberately reach out to cuddle your arm, pretending to be asleep.
It's evil. It's sin. Where's my self-respect? Where's my conscience? Am I so weak? Girl, you disgust me.
Why can't I leave you.. When I know you can do better...
Why am I not brave enough.. When I know I'm holding you back...
Do I not love you enough... To let you go?