I don't know you
I don't know you mental illness stories

ryunyo44 Writer, rower, sorority girl, engineer
Autoplay OFF   •   4 years ago
I don't know you, but you matter to me all the same

I don't know you

by ryunyo44

I'm not the person you meant to find you sobbing on floor, unable to talk or move or think.

I don't know you as well as I should after a year of living down the hall, but I know what panic attacks look like. I know anxiety.

I know some tricks that might help you come back. Ice cubes, breathing exercises, calm words, tactile stimuli. It's a familiar drill.

I'm not the person you wanted hand a list of medications to. I'm not the person you wanted to call an ambulance.

I am the person the EMT wants to convince you to go to the ER.

I don't know you the way I'd like to, but I care about you. I want you to be okay.

You matter to me. I want to help you, but I don't know how. I know hospitals are scary, but you tend to leave them better than when you went in.

I'm not going to say you should go or you have to go, but I want you to be alright and I'll go with you. I'll drive you there if you don't feel comfortable in the ambulance.

I'm not the person you wanted to admit these thoughts to. I'm not the person you wanted to have to be your voice when you end up nonverbal in the emergency room.

But I'll do everything I can to help you. I'll hold your hand and tell you every happy or funny story I can think of, because at this point even a momentary distraction is a win.

I won't try to force you to talk if you say you can't. I'll apologize for being so honest with the doctors and nurses. They need to know what you told me. I'll do my best not to make it awkward.

When they give you something that finally lets you relax and fall asleep. I promise I'll stay. I'm not the one you would have wanted spending the night in the hospital with you.

But I'll stand by the door and badger the nurses while you sleep so that there is someone to help you when you wake up. I'll keep an eye on you and call your parents.

"Hello, my name is ____. Is this____'s Dad? I'm a friend of _____..."

Yesterday you probably called me an acquaintance, but you're stuck with me at this point. You need me and I'm not going to leave you. You're my friend and I'm not going to lose you.

Next week, when we meet in the hallway, I won't ask you how you're doing with that sympathetic face so many people make. I will ask if you want to go to the zoo and see the new wolf pups.

I won't say something cheesey.. I will buy an unfortunate amount of ice cream and insist upon a movie night with all your friends. I won't tell them why and they won't ask.

You hide it so well. I'm not the person you wanted to let your guard down with, but now that I know you need it I'm going try to lighten your day, to make you smile a genuine smile and relax.

I don't know you yet and you don't know me. I'm not the person you wanted, but I'm the one who's here and I will do whatever I can to be the person you need. It's up to you. Let me help.

She's doing better now. Sometimes you just have to get through the night.

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