It's too loud
It's too loud
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Autoplay OFF   •   24 days ago
all the noises that keep me awake

It's too loud

It's too loud In my room, in my head.

The ceiling fan whirs, like the rushing of blood in my ears as I lay on my side and stare at the wall

And the wind blows through my window screen, making the curtains dance, making me shiver even though it's summer

And the computer in the corner is making noise too, even though it's supposed to be turned off

We're alike in that respect, me and the computer, both making noise when we should be dark and quiet inside

But it's so loud, inside my head, too loud to sleep

My thoughts chase each other around, and when I try to catch one to quiet it it dodges my grasp

They're not even words, anymore, just noises

Feelings, in auditory form

Regrets and complaints and secrets I'll never voice in the world past my eyelids

I wish it was quiet

But I'm not sure it would make a difference, if I closed the window or unplugged the computer or turned off the fan

Because my head is full of noises and I don't think I can close them or unplug them or turn them off

I've grown so used to them now, without them there, filling every space in my brain, I'm worried I would die

So I close my eyes and listen to the noises Let them lull me to sleep like a strange lullaby

And in my dreams, it's quiet

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