For the past two months or so I have been exposing my deepest and most embarrassing truths
From moments to core believes and character flaws
As I knew it would, my character has grown stronger together with my personal convictions
And an idea of which I was suspecting about is now revealing itself more and more as I explore this truths
Why are we so obviously scared of the truth and acting on it?
I only really care about metaphysical answer to that question and I believe I have it
The reason why we are so unwilling to speak and act on the truth is because it leads to our destiny
I believe that human beings all have an exact destiny to which our attention, fears wants and needs drives us
We do not know about the others, but we do know what lies ahead for us if we do things correctly
What lies ahead for us is the worst possible pain that we can imagine
I'd say it FAR surpasses what we imagined that pain and trauma to be like
Because to reach our destiny we MUST suffer our worst possible nightmare and we KNOW it to be so...
That is why we have come up with infinite ways in which to excuse and distract ourselves from our destiny
To be perfectly honest, for the past 9 years, I have experienced several traumas so that I can barely recognize myself anymore
You know how people make a mistake and then say they would do it again?
You do not say that when you go through hell. No way you will repeat that shit ever again...
The problem is that the only way to grow and evolve (which is what life is) requires nearly absolute destruction of what was
Unless your most horrible nightmare becomes true, you won't break well enough to be forced to be reborn
And what will happen will absolutely NOT be fair either and it will include betrayal by those you love
I know this is true because the story of Christ and the crucifixion is the archetypical representation of how to be the ideal human being
Regardless of how good and virtuous you act, to truly "ascend" you will be sacrificed in the worst possible manner.
and you fucking know it...
Deep down you know it.
True, there are elements of cowardice and laziness and even self sabotage... I guess....
But the truth is that choosing to be human is the MOST courageous act that the universe partakes in...
Because you will constantly be suffering from the anxiety of knowing that you will either face horrible acts
Or collapse under the enormous weight of your undeveloped potential which became a black hole
That is why I scream TRUTH from the top of my lungs
Because I know what it takes to survive and come out the kind of hells which only poetry can "kind of" get at...
And if you don't have truth by your side, which means you are not able to trust yourself and your intuition...
There just is not a proper representation of how bad things can get...
But go and grab yourself a book about Unit731 or download the audio version from Gulag Archipelago and see how it can be.
The thing you all want is: Unshakeable inner Love
The absolute knowing that you WILL be there for yourself when things go terribly bad
without that, you will not face the truth, and no wonder... for that part of you I have infinite sympathy.