Private Convo EP01 - Anger











Private Convo EP01 - Anger zipper stories
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rosarlei
rosarlei commafultips.com 👊
Autoplay OFF   •   3 months ago
My private diary
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I solve my issues by having
conversations with myself
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In this case I work through my anger and become much lighter at the end.

Private Convo EP01 - Anger

You have not been happy lately, have you?

I am happy. Quite happy actually...

but...?

I'm just very frustrated... I am full of anger... and contempt...

are you worried about it?

hmmm...no and yes, I guess

I know that I am frustrated right before a breakthrough​...

So it doesn't bother me, but I forget to get excited...

Are you enjoying to be angry?

I am, actually...

I feel it keeps me sharp... honest...clear...and that it prevents me from getting "too happy"...

Are you worried about becoming "too happy"?

Of course.

why?

Because when I get too happy I make bad judgment calls.

When I get too happy I overestimate my strength and the ability of other people to affect me negatively.

Is there something else making you angry?

Yes, and as I get into it I realize the different layers that it contains...

What do you mean?

Well, I am angry but how much of it is resentment, and how much is passion and love and how much of it is fear?

I am not sure, but it seems that this is the first time we ever think about it

What angers you?

I am angry because I don't know how to get the two things that I want MOST in this life...

I mean I do know how to get it, but I do not know how to make them work with my life.

Which are those things?

I want a partner and I want a daughter.

yeah...

But I do NOT know how to not be attracted to people who are not very troubled.

I seem to be unable to find someone who can keep me interested without being a complete crazy person.

And I understand why women are having such a hell trying to be who they are, I get it...

I get why the women I was in relationships with acted the way they did...

But I have taken every step (and still do) in order to make myself better and stronger.

I take all of the responsibility for everything that happened and I feel powerful

But I just don't sense that having a wife and daughter will ever work for me.

why?

and I am also angry because I should have been angry a long time ago and I couldn't...

I had way too much understanding for other people and I spectacularly overestimated their ability for empathy...

I am not being consumed by anger...and I am simply learning how to temper my aggression so that I can use it for good.

But I move towards trying to become more honest and more authentic, there are things which I can not longer tolerate...

Like what?

I am terrified of weakness and entitlement and delusion...

but we all got them...

Yes, but some are actively trying to shave them off while others seek to make them even thicker...

I know where those things lead...I know the pain that they can cause and maybe part of me does feel resentful towards those who took me for granted...

The cover of the piece said: "Why I do anything" And the answer is simple:

I love the feeling of taking risks, doing something new and the high that comes with learning.

There is nothing I enjoy more than surprising someone I care about with my actions or accomplishment.

The fact that no one can figure out what I will do next or why, is the thing that drives me

And the reason I do "right" is not necessarily because I am a good person, but because doing the right thing takes patience, skill and strength of character.

Anyone who cheats and takes shortcuts is confused and does not understand what this game is about.

The only thing that matters and everything you do between the decision to do something and the accomplishment.

Once you win, you really lost.

The most interesting game to play is the one which is bounded by the biggest limitations and challenges.

The bigger the challenge, the more you will have to grow in order to overcome it and the higher the feeling of bliss while you go there.

After you grow and overcome a challenge, a void is created and you have to take the thing you learned and pass it on to others in order to help them

People who don't understand the joy and the privilege of being able to serve and help others, will not have a fulfilling life.

Alright, I am done. I need to go to bed.

This worked really well, because I am feeling much lighter and calm.

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