For the past 9 years of my life I have been living on my own in Berlin.
There was a time around 2011 when I had to collect empty bottles to buy food.
In the height of an unrelenting depression I was delivering newspapers from 3 to 7 in the morning among the most mentally broken individuals I had ever come across.
When I finally quit that job I was only paid half of what I was owned... That sucked.
I was ignored over 250 times when applying for jobs, even though my applications were carefully crafted and my qualifications on point. (2010)
The reason I am telling you these stories is because there was ONE thing on my mind every single time that I went into a depression:
Why didn't anyone tell me the truth? Why didn't anyone give me the feedback I needed?
When you go through the suffering that life will UNDOUBTEDLY deliver, you will have to realize where it was that YOU fell short...
And when I say suffering I mean the kind of shit that you do not EVER want to talk about because making anyone feel 1/100 of what you felt would be a crime.
If you do not assimilate as much responsibility as you can your brain will remain in a never-ending state of anxiety.
Your brain is smart and it knows you do not have a plan to avoid these sort of events.
It will NOT EVER turn off until you have a plan.
I blamed myself, but I also cursed the people around me who knew I was headed for disaster and did not have the power, courage or will to tell me the truth.
Think for a second about what I have to gain from making this piece
Every time I say a "harsh truth" I have to pay for it with the reputation that I have built here as a writer and community member.
I am using my limited influence to tell you things which I know will benefit you
Calling for you to speak the truth, be courageous, to not hide...how could that be detrimental to you?
All the embarrassing stories that I shared about my school years...I only shared those to give YOU the air cover to share your own truths.
And those of you went ahead and made use of it, are now stronger because of it.
Now that we are done with the intro, let's talk about the meaning of being weak and why it is irresponsible to remain that way.
One obvious question could be: "If I am weak, or it is indeed irresponsible, how come more people are not saying it?"
My personal answer: As societies become richer they also become less violent.
The money also allows the government to create strong and oppressive forces which maintain the order and keep things from falling apart.
As societies become richer and it's citizens become complacent and undisciplined, people begin to over-rely on the strength of others.
Because things "seem" less dangerous, it becomes less appropriate to be "tough" on people because it is not a pleasant experience for anyone
The problem is that the economy does fall apart, you might get cancer, your children might be kidnapped or anything could happen tomorrow....
And then what?
As people, we are prone to forget and ignore the failures and pain from the past.
We begin to make excuses for ourselves and others.
Your grandparents might have been very tough with your parents and as a result your parents decided to be much more forgiving with you.
The problem with that is not being able to carry your own weight. When you are not used to adversity your capacity to solve problems goes away.
When you KNOW that you can not solve problems, you default into feeling anxious and start to develop a sort of "Learned Helplessness"
A person that get's to that stage is almost a professional victim, and at that point, no one will say anything to them because...
You would have to be an asshole to shit on a "victim"
So, we have now defined the "victim" or the weak person as the individual who was oversprotected and also AGREED to stay sheltered.
What most people will do in that situation is pretend that they feel compassion for the person suffering, when in fact they feel pity for them.
They feel pity because they know that the person had a BIG role in their suffering
But they also feel pity because they are not aware of the fact that weakness brews fear which become resentment.
Resentment which then turns into anger, and blame which consumes them to the core.
These are the people who blame society or the opposite sex or a foreign race for the bad situations in which they find themselves.
These are the people who load up their guns, go to school and murder innocent children before blowing their head.
But this are also the people are telling you that it is OK to be weak, or that you are not at fault, or that there was nothing you could do about it
The people who are the most dangerous are those who will tell you exactly what you want to hear and never help you assume responsibility.
You will be as powerful as the amount of responsibility you decide to shoulder.
It is not OK to be weak.
You need to understand the monsters that you are feeding every single time you make the decision to NOT speak up
You are scared of someone else's opinion, more than you are scared of becoming a monster
Being afraid is a good thing but only when you are afraid of the right things.
If you are tired of being anxious and feeling weak all the time, send me your e-mail through a DM and I will create a customized program for you
Take the advantage that is in front of you, because you are not likely to find another person whom you can truly speak your truth to, regardless of how dark it is.
The tools, techniques, points of view and approaches at my disposable are as endless as the creativity that I have shown you in my poetry and formatting.
Send me your e-mail, allow me to serve you and help me get stronger as well.