Growing up it was hard for me to love. I peeked earlyer then most kids. When i was 8 years old i pretty much stalked this 9 year old Girl around.
I told her many times that i loved her but she said "no you dont, you have no idea what your feeling" after 6 months i stopped following her because i felt that she hated it.
To find out she thought it was cute, She even got upset that i didnt follow her because this was the day she got glasses and thought i judge her for wearing them.
I told her that no the glasses make you cute.. i thought you hated me following you around during recess so i stopped. She invited me to her house 3 days later to do homework.
I was happy until the next day when she came into school and started to ignore me..
i could not understand so i grabbed her hand during the next recess and asked her whats wrong? She said "i hate to ruin your mood but my dad and i are moving out of state.
" i felt my heart breaking but understood because we are kids nothing we can do but beg which we tryed soo much but failed.
That was my "first love" i count it because it was corny and i still remember it oddly.
didnt have much love relationships until i was 16 and one of my friends at the time taught me about "online dating" had no idea what i was doing in normal relationships let
alone online relationships. He was 20 and trying to teach me to be a "player" someone who can be cool even if i wasnt. i made alot of friends and talked to alot of girls.
Remember when i said i had no idea about relationships?
well this will prove it i ended up breaking 2 girls hearts at the same time because i liked them both and told them to meet each other they found that odd and called me out that i
was cheating. i had no idea what cheating was at the time so i felt super fucking bad and told them both i am sorry. they both understood which was shocking to me.
but then again it was shocking to them that i ask them both to be my girl friends and said "wanna meet the other girl" so yeah... now i knew what cheating was and was never going to do it again.
right? WRONG.... i fucked up again in a HUGE way.... the next girl her name was Hannah she was so amazing... i knew everything about her!!! i was 17 so was she.
We both loved Wrestling, Anime the same songs.. Hell we even met weirdly. i was a friend of her friend Kanna (real name no idea anymore) Hannah & I were together for 8 months almost a year.
we had plans to move in together, get married, have kids and most importantly my mom and her got along. Key very key because my mom hated Women but always wanted grand kids before she died.
When i stayed up all night talking to friends sleeping my mom and Hannah would talk until i got up.
Hannah didnt want my mom to wake me up because she wanted me to get rest so we can talk all night on the weekends. then Hannah slowly came online.
i was worrying asking her friend Kanna to check on her for me. Kanna would relay the msg back she was alright.
then out of no where Kanna told me that she loved me i told he ri loved her back as a friend. she said "NO i love you" i said you know Hannah and I are together right? she said yes...
but i feel bad for you.... i said why? she said because Hannah has this friend... that she had this crush on he went to fight for our country she wont say this but she loves him...
i said but she also loves me.... what am i going to do? Kanna told me that this guy lived in the same town and he was coming home soon and will fight to be with her....
if anyone knows me they know i have a kind heart and want whats best for everyone... but never myself.
so i left Hannah a msg telling her that i love her but i dont think i can compete with this guy... if anyone knows Yahoo Msg they know its shit so she never got it... Kanna and I started dating.
Hannah was pissed rushed on to tell me off. as she should have. her and i talked for hours like it was the first day we meet. which i told her and regret saying this now but its too late..
anyways i told her "Hannah i am inlove with you and want to be with you... but this guy is coming home from the army and wants to be with you... that is romantic... i cant compete with that.
" she told me "its not a competition and that she loved me" i said i know... but i want to break things up he lives there i dont...
i want you to be happy and how long itll take for you and i to be together will be 5 years...
i can wait for you and i know you can too but i want you to try this out you love him too and i dont wanna be in the way of a relationship... that was the day we broke up.
we were friends for a few days until my yahoo got hacked... now her and i dont talk anymore. but last time my mom saw her account she was getting married to the guy. i am happy for her.
i really am. here we are in 2020 my last 4 relationships went to shit. 1. i met a girl on facebook who cheated on me. which i felt i deserved that. pinning my past on me like a pin. 2.
i was in a relationship with a girl from youtube didnt last long because my mom made fun of her which i felt was wrong and i even told her i was sorry but she never forgave me. fair enough...
and now for my longest relationship another girl from facebook her and i were together for almost 2 years.
she has a son (not mine but i always said i would treat him like mine) she lived in FL we broke up because her and my mother clashed and it wasnt pretty. we still kinda talk but not really.
she moved on and im happy for her. my last and final relationship... we meet on Minecraft. now i know what your thinking...
WHAT??? but no no it wasnt like that i was 26 she was 25 we talked on skype we webcamed.
Her and i meet via a Pixelmon server she needed help with floor designs and i was half owner with a asshole who didnt care about his players.... but that will be for another time.
i came to see her work. she was amazing at building. we were together for 5 months long enough to open our own server and have fun...
but thats where the problem started she went from being awesome and fun to stuck up and jealous.
as part owner i wanted to run events she felt left out because of college i said its fine we will run an event together so we were going to run a Valentines day event,
she missed it so i ran it as promised. she got mad. now i never got mad at her until she started being a bitch to my friend Mert. my best friend.
i had to put a end to the relationship because if we cant all get along then whats the point? i never got mad at her friends i welcomed them but she didnt welcome mine.
i felt like it was a 1 way relationship.... so that was my important love relationships. i am 32 and really want to be a dad and a husband. but i feel like its too late.
so i guess the reasoning behind this story is dont follow in my footsteps. lol its not worth feeling alone.
if you have that special relationship and you love this person just go for it dont let them go.
that wise tail "if you love them let them go if they come back they are yours if not then it wasnt meant to be." in some ways sure its true...
but how will you know if it was meant to be if you dont try and keep them in your lives?
history can stay the same but its the futures job to make a change and make a dint in some places in history to make it better. If i find that special woman again i wont give up so quickly.
because ive been there its time to make a dint in my history.
Thank you for reading this <3