And then I started wonder; because I’d noticed that he has blue eyes, but not blue like mine, more of a greyish blue. And then I started to wonder, has he noticed the colour of my eyes?
and does he talk to his brothers about me and if so what does he say and would they approve of me and would he take me home to meet his parents
and would he warn them that my name is pronounced differently to its spelling and would he introduce me to people with excitement in his voice and would he miss me even when we were together
and would it hurt him to be away from me and does he think about me at night and has he noticed the colour of my eyes and does he remember the conversations we had as vividly as I do
and would it make him ache to see me kiss someone else and would he lie to protect me and does he think we would last together
and would he hold me so tight that even when we were skin on skin it wouldn’t feel close enough and does my name make his heart race and does he know what date my birthday is
and what my favourite perfume is and that I hate spiders and the sound of cutlery scraping on a plate and has he noticed the colour of my eyes
and does he want to know my favourite song and book and food and drink and would it bother him that I quote movies as I watch them and would we talk about our future together
and whether we believe in one god or many gods and does he know I love it when he smiles with his teeth and the way he shakes his head when he laughs and has he noticed the colour of my eyes
and would he be proud to be seen with me and does he like the fact that we have the same sense of humour and does he know that when he looks at me it makes me feel like my entire body is on fire
and does he know that his words taste like vanilla and that he is the first person ever that I would happily allow to break my heart, no matter how painful it is
no matter if it makes me feel like my heart is aching so badly that it will crack through my ribs and spill onto the floor in front of me
and does he know how pretty his name is written down and does he know that I can’t look at him and breath at the same time and does he know that I think about when we kissed
and I see it like I’m a third person observing and I see the first kiss and him pulling me in and leaning onto the cold, hard material of the roof and how at that moment it felt so comfortable
and how I see my right hand twisting into his shirt and pulling him closer and I see his hand on my face and on the bottom of my dress and I hear the words he spoke to me
and I wonder has he ever been kissed like that before and does he want to be again and has he noticed the colour of my eyes and I imagine scenarios in my heard where we are together
but they have become so unrealistic and ridiculous that I can’t even tell my best friend about them, maybe because it’s him
or maybe it's because I am absolutely terrified that I might be falling in love with him and I cannot find any possible way to stop it
but I guess I will have to accept that we will never be anything more than awkward eye contact and avoiding conversation and one kiss on the roof of the school
and wondering if he’s noticed the colour of my eyes..
because I've noticed the colour of his.