The holy priestess held my soul in her powerful hands. I was bewildered and beguiled before I could comprehend it. She was gold incarnate and gave all she could of herself. I hoarded that gold, and rarely invested it in my life. That was all she wanted; The Devine light cared most for my progress, and little for my base instincts.
Instincts spring from needs, and she is not responsible to fulfill those needs. She is but the earth on which I stand and the air I barely breathe; not the words I eat and the food I often say. Beside me. Not in front, or even behind. She still stands beside me today. Even so I miss her, especially when she's close.
Her words are like hard shelled candies, the only kind I will consume. She doesn't need me, but we both know I need her... In general of course. These desires are simply wants and SHOULD have no power over me. I don't know if I can help it when she makes my oxytocin, or that every physical interaction leaves me elated and craving more.
There doesn't need to be more right now. I worship even her back, for which I massage enthusiastically out of legitimate concern. The instance where I do this is the most intimate moment we can share. I cherish it and pray the opportunity will not disappear. To be able to wrap my arms around her and kiss her royal lips. That is a pleasure I will be barred from.
Even to say so would make her turn away, only to turn back when I've cooled my jets. I'm never sure why she allows anything from me. It honestly couldn't be out of selfish vanity. She may feel validated by my kinder words, but that wouldn't be her primary reason to let me flirt at her. A part of me wishes it's because she wants to be close to me.
I pray to her every day, for she is the one who makes reality painfully solid. So painful that I do something about it. She could stab me in the heart, and I would justify it as Devine law. Without her, I have no reason for anything. I legitimately feel like I was born specifically to be her partner, and having messed with that opportunity destroyed my whole purpose.
I'm floundering and flailing with no direction. I regret more than anything to have lost her. She wouldn't want me to hate myself, but I can't help it. At the moment my main concern is her health. If I lost her forever... If she died I wouldn't be able to continue living either. I love her. With all of my heart I love every piece of her. Please God; if you can hear me, help me save her.