Warning: Tear-stained and exclusively pessimistic. And language ig. Several themes in this piece. "Pessimistic promises" and anything that sounds like that - the first verse basically - is me struggling with my weight. I get compliments on my weight but I can't see it. I just see rolls of fat. Where to draw the line before I'm anorexic or before I'm morbidly obese? I see coffins either way. The second verse refers to my summer this year, when I had a final showdown with a disastrously toxic friend. She robbed me of my friends, happiness, sanity and summer. I refuse to apologise anymore. I refuse to indulge in this anymore; I refuse to write any more cryptic poems. I refuse to waste my time on passive-aggressive apologies. The third verse refers to my love life; how I have no "romantic leads" and then out of nowhere I have a girlfriend and out of nowhere all I can see are missed opportunities. I want the best and worst of both worlds, as long as I don't hurt anybody. Next worse - "I'm persuading myself these smiles are fake" - refers to how life'll be terrible, and it is 90% of the time, but then 10% I'm just ecstatic and optimistic. I want to be normal; 100% dedicated to one. Not a weird fucked up 50/50. That's the theme of the next verse too mainly - it's about how I'll lie to seem more normal, and make things up - even if they're negative - to seem more relatable and funny. One second, I'll try and be all positive and glowy to fit in with some friends and seem like that confident happy person, the next depressed to have sympathy and be that friend. Which in my head seems attractive.