Another Tomorrow.
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rainandsnowbooks+music=true love
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
This poem tries to convey the feelings of an abused mother and child. It tells how they face the monster, the drunken father, almost everyday. How they do not lose hope.
Here 'I' represents an Angel who is looking upon them. The Angel does not fight their battle but gives them the strength to fight back. So, they fight back and leave the Devil behind, a happy future awaits them.
NOTE: Mary and Lily are just two names that cropped into my mind because they fit well with the flow of the poem.(Don't ask how)

Another Tomorrow.

by rainandsnow

Happy Birthday, honey; What gift have you bought mommy? A hug, a kiss and some time, For I have not a single dime.

So they play hide and seek, I hear the cacophony of laughs and shrieks, Veiled with love, the grievous pain, He, the ghost, is their only bane.

"MARY! LILY! WHERE ARE YOU?", I see them covered in black and blue, The colors, a few, drown again; As night falls upon the barren plane.

I hear the vile thoughts, the melancholy too; Ecstasy of one, dread for two, Silent pleas, then suppressed screams; Their nightmares, the Devil's daydreams.

Colors the few, gasping for breath, Fall upon the shore, life unleash; I kindle the sparks of battle within, Fiery strings on a broken violin.

One is strength, other her shield, I bow down to their valor in the battlefield, Victory in battle awaits the War, Triumph or Death they swore!

Toiled like Trojans, the toughest winds prevail, Built the Argonaut, far away they have to sail, They fell, savor the earth and rise, They left, with dignity, I surmise.

Thanks a lot for reading!

Criticism is welcome.

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a year agoReply
@pops Thank you! @pluto mentioned in the last poem that the notes help, so I decided I would add a few whenever necessary to help readers better understand.

rainandsnowBronze Commabooks+music=true love
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil You sound like an old professor but it makes writing this poem all the more worthwhile. I really did want to write this poem in free verse. I figured, if I used rhymes it will become too musical and the message would be unclear. But well, I couldn't just do it. Thank you for the review though. :)

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
Let's start with the physical structure of the poem. The meter within the verses is unparalleled. In most post-modern poetry, the poet just wings it with "freestyle". You have that special talent that you reinforce the theme by perfecting the meter. The lengths of the verses are striking because you deliver one devastating message after another in short terse delivery. The stanzas hang together in a package that delivers this heartrending message. Now let's cover the message.(Do I sound like the old professor?) You have shown incredibly deep insight into not only the emotions of abuse but also the rationalizations of abuse. I think you have produced a masterpiece. Of course, there could be improvements, nothing being perfect, but I would have to chew on this for at least a week before I could even venture an improvement.

a year agoReply
whoaa there is beautiful. thank you helping analyze in the description too. helps a lot!