The Lie

I love you.

To be fair,

He said it first.

The phrase hung there for a moment too long.

I didn’t love him.

Maybe not now,

But perhaps later.

But I said it back anyway.

I was too afraid to have a moment of awkward truth,

So I substituted it for a comfortable lie.

But now every time he says it,

I say it back.

And it hurts.

Because he doesn’t know.

And it has consumed me.

I’m reminded of it every time I see him,

Every time he messages me.

With every small interaction,

The guilt only grows.

And the longer it goes on,

The more I don’t want to tell him.

It’s gone on too far.

But now I don’t even know how to fix it.

I know how it will end.

And I’m afraid of it.

So I keep lying.

I love you.