You

Though it wasn't the correct time, I wanted you so badly.

Part of me wants to be with you because I was so unhappy.

I think of that day and I want to puke.

Though circumstances wouldn't have been the best, I still wanted you.

I wish I could've done better so we could've been together.

Had a better partner; better job somewhere warmer.

Sometimes I wonder if you would've been a beautiful little girl.

Or a handsome little boy who would've been my world.

Though my heart aches, in a way, you were saved from the pain.

The trauma, the sadness and the anger; feeling like you were a mistake.

Over the years, I've made my decision on a few names.

With tears in my eyes, I'll have to write them down and wait.

Wait for the moment when I can meet one of you.

Or maybe both; it's long overdue.

I wish to love you in all the ways possible while seeing your face.

Have all the non-material things I've never had with a warm embrace.

I never knew I could miss someone I've never met this much.

Never knew how much I would long for both of our small hands to touch.

I never knew I could love someone I never met until then.

I'll always be a mom first, but I'd love to become your friend.

I felt I should've died with you.

Really I should be alive for you.

I've secretly cried for you.

Soon I can ride with you.