"I heard you're dating my ex." "Yes." "I'm having a sandwich." "So?" "Want the leftovers too?"
*At a restaurant* "Would you like a table?" "No, we came to sit on the floor. Carpet for six, please."
Body language says: When a man lies, blood flow to his penis increases. *Next time my boyfriend lies* Me: *pulls down his pants aggressively*
Boy: I lost my number, can I have yours? Girl: Sure, write it down - 911.
A: I'm breaking up with you. B: Really? Before that, remember- you'll never find anybody like me. A: That's the point.
Mom: *cracks lame jokes* Son: Mom, stop. You'll never be able to make good jokes. Mom: I made you.
Mom: Go make your bed. Son: Why should I? I'm gonna sleep on it anyway. Mom: So why feed you, when you are going to die anyway?
"The difference between your opinion and pizza is that I only asked for pizza."
"You are ugly!" "Excuse me, I'm a human, not a mirror."
Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents for example.
"Ewwww!" "That's what your parents said when they gave birth to you."
From the moment I saw you, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life AVOIDING you.
"You, sir, are the human version of period cramps."
Your dick belongs in your pants, not your personality.
They say opposites attract. Hope you find someone intelligent and beautiful one day.
Narcissist: Look! God made me the best in the world! Me: You are the reason I doubt God's intellect so often.
Husband: If you weren't stupid, what would you be? Wife: Single
"Where have you been all my life?" "I don't know but I wish I was still there."
I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
Ooh, lol, the insults burn! No copyright infringement intended. Comment down below which one's your favorite. Mine's the 'table-carpet' one XD. Part 2 coming soon :).