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poeticwater
poeticwater 18 // Happy for the first time
Autoplay OFF   •   9 months ago
A poem about irrational thoughts that cause depression

(I was feeling no good, so I revisited my cringy poet stage.)

Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder

What it'd be like

To not feel so hopeless

At a minor inconvenience

These people go around

And live their lives

And don't start bawling

When someone used the wrong tone of voice

They don't freak out over everyone hating them when someone just sounds slightly disinterested

They don't break down into tears when their phone is backordered and their current one might die before then

They don't apologize about simply talking

They don't cry about having no friends because they can't admit to themselves that they do

I could go on and on and on and on and on right now

About how it would be better to just slip into a coma

But nothing is actually wrong

It shouldn't be wrong

Why does my brain process the world in such a way that I'm constantly judging it

I'm saying "that's irrational" over and over and it doesn't mean anything because I already know that it's irrational

I'm aware that the thought I'm having is wrong and incorrect and sometimes impossible

I am so aware that they are my friend, but I'm too overcome with the anxiety that it doesn't matter if it's irrational

"It's just a thought" and it is

But a thought that's still affecting me physically

A thought that I can't get rid of

Even if it's just a thought

I think and I think and I think

I try to get over it

I try to get rid of it

But it persists

My brain does not want to let go of any idea it creates

I know that my friend is my friend

I know that my friend likes me

But, I still cried after he left because my brain decided that he never wanted to come over to begin with and I would never make any friends because of it

There are people

I know they exist

They don't deal with this

Seemingly at all

They don't cry about having no friends because they can't admit to themselves that they do

They don't apologize about simply talking

They don't break down into tears when their phone is backordered and their current one might die before then

They don't freak out over everyone hating them when someone just sounds slightly disinterested

When someone uses the wrong tone of voice

They don't start bawling

They go around

And live their lives

I feel so hopeless

At a minor inconvenience

More than anything

I want to be them

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