I want to be a part of your world
but I am held hostage by something you cannot see.
It is twisting at my lower intestine
making my hands shake and my body immovable.
Sometimes, when it loosens its grip
I wander out into the world.
I am cautious in these moments.
At any point I could be held hostage again.
I hold your hand while my other is in a closed fist,
I kiss you in public with my eyes, open
I am watching for any sign of it’s return.