Warmth. Peace. Right.
All those I felt when I blinked and saw you for the first time.
Like watching an artist paint or a singer sing. Majestic art at its crescendo.
Heart thundering in my chest as I approach and say my first words, stumbling over the silliest syllables, Losing track of time in your soul.
Disarmed by a smile more pure than angelic choirs and consumed by my addiction to you. Speaking daily, laughing over the phone, crying at each other's pasts striving to create a better future.
Walking down hallways lined with lockers turned to hallways in apartments. Walks to the park turned to walking down the aisle.
Racing to the bar turned to racing to the delivery room and late nights turned to school night curfews.
As the days passed the moments lasted hours.
Each touch was euphoric, could not imagine taking my eyes away in fear you would be gone.
My eyes stayed fixed, blinders on the side left me in tunnel vision. No other focus, no other priority, no one else around. Gave it everything,
Time Effort Work
Blood Sweat Tears
Body Mind Soul
Held on to every shred of attention, every glance from you, every word you spoke. Moments shared stayed imprinted on me but the waves washed them away for you.
Soon your eyes were wondering, searching. Arm outstretched I reached for you to hold me and love me.
I pursued your heart because I knew nothing else, stared into the darkness as you turned your head on me and faded into the void.
Cold, empty, shallow eyes, looking but not seeing. The world spins and is still at once. Days pass in silence as I sit on the cold floor.
Every moment searching my heart for a memory of a smile that could awaken what has remained.
People pass my way and they are nothing but blurs in the distance, one almost in distinguishable from another.
Emptiness in the soul is only outweighed by the heaviness in the heart, a heart with your engraved name holding together by only sinews and will.
On that street I stand surrounded by blurs.
They are getting closer.
Their features are beginning to show still alien to what these eyes can see. They are getting closer. A figure emerges, strong, vibrant, exciting.
They are getting closer.
A figure emerges, strong, vibrant, exciting.
It surrounds me
Tears streaming I collapse to my knees unable to look away. Facing who, or rather what I used to be before I blinked that last time and saw you.
I look down and I again lean on my cold floor, take one more drink, secure everything around me one last time, kick my legs back.
My eyes are shut.
As they open again, I am back in my youth, seeing you again, feeling all the same lies and empty hopes. I blink again and look up to the sky.
As the sun pierces a whole in the clouds, I shut my eyes on the warmth and inhale a cold breeze. Our eyes meet again, I smile and walk past.
Never again will I not let myself blink.