my bad nights are not like other peoples bad nights
my bad nights are full of staring at the ceiling in the dim light of my computer, wondering, thinking
my bad nights are strange urges to take running catapults off rooftops just to see if maybe, maybe i could fly
my bad nights are scary and i wander around the house because its dark and silent and im alone and no one can hear or see anything i have to say
because if they did there would be nothing left of me hidden and i would be completely naked and open and my shield would be broken
my bad nights are good nights gone rough
my bad nights are fear and selfishness and anger all rolled up into one package with a big red bow and sat in the middle of my throat and blocking my esophagus so i cant breathe i cant move
i can just sit there
and wallow in my mind
wade through swamps of loathing and forests of pillars of fear and anxiety
and sit
and think
and sit and think and sit and think and sit and think
until i cant think any longer and i try to sleep but sleep wont come so i keep sitting and i keep thinking and the package in my throat hurts so bad but it wont leave and i cant cough it up
or swallow it down so
it stays
my throat is permanently clogged
so when my friends ask if im okay all i can squeak out is "im fine" and if they doubt me all i can tell them is "im fine im fine im fine im fine"
im fine
my bad nights are not like other peoples bad nights
my bad nights haunt me like a ghost
a ghost only i can see a ghost only i can feel a ghost
that is mine
a ghost that haunts me and only me and no one but me
and i am afraid, deathly afraid that i can no longer tell where the ghost ends and reality begins
Find more stories like this one bysigning up!