they say i tell lies, lies that if believed will ruin lives.
they do not care about my life.
the truth is,
that it happened,
it really did.
but no one likes to admit there's bad in the world.
that one horrible day.
all gone wrong.
i look back and wonder at how i could've felt so happy just that morning
so hopeful of the day to come.
stupid, stupid, stupid.
it's over now, anyway.
i try to convince myself of it
but the truth is it will never be over
that moment will keep appearing in my dreams
that face popping up in my sleep
scaring me so deeply
but i cannot awake
i cannot escape
from this nightmarish reality.
i will wake,
long before dawning light.
and i will resist the urge to run to the bathroom
and try to wash away the feeling of him.
and i will cry,
in the middle of the night.
and i will hide away my tears.
i will pretend that everything is okay.
i will wash away the redness around my eyes.
i cannot escape the feeling of his touch.
i cannot escape the feeling of dirtiness i carry around with me now
never to ever fade away.