I don't wanna hurt you.
Leave you disappointed in my sh*t tools.
I always wanted to take away the mask that glued
On to my face, it's like a tattoo.
I know it's wrong to hide behind fakery,
But it seems to be all that's left from my terrible history.
Scared to pry off the skin layer I have created,
No longer a monster, instead it's plaited.
Twisted into my DNA,
I swear to God I can't slay it
Without damaging the real me hiding behind the bouquet.
Forever cemented, no use pretending.
This is all I have left to cling on,
I know it.
Parents don't realize the things I've done.
The thoughts I've had,
The medicine I teased about dosing,
The scissors I brought to my room all to cut,
The stupid *ss excuses to cover up.
I'm just a kid--I can't lose it.
Love gave me a reason to continue,
But the lack of it gave me reason to begin the end route.
Friends knew that something was going on,
But I was too scared to tell so I decided to shut them off.
I always wished I had the head to tell ‘em,
But their reactions scared me,
What’s the point if they can’t stop it?
This battle is making me angry,
Why can’t I just be renounce and get tucked in a blanket?
I cry and I cry
Just to let it out.
The demons inside are just not letting go.
They have a hold on my heart,
So tightly not even a barb
Could cut right through these titanium bars.
Sometimes I feel like I can take on the world.
The demons subside and I almost feel normal.
But then I go alone in my room,
And the feelings of dread, fear, and loath comes crashing through my windows.
No motivation to keep on going.
But then I think the thoughts of death,
I don't wanna die,
I just wanna be left.
Left alone from all of my problems.
And regain from all of my losses.
This isn't the type of life I bargained,
But then again, no one gets pardoned.
I ain't the first,
And I won't be the last.
So to those who feel as if life's coming on them fast,
It's gonna be alright,
The light is about to shine through this dark candlelight.