It’s 2 a.m. And I’ve been trying to sleep for at least an hour but I can’t. I should’ve just told them when they asked.
I should’ve manned up and admitted my feelings but I didn’t and now look where I am.
What am I so afraid of? Rejection? Yeah, actually that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I know it’s coming as soon as they find out so I’m just delaying the inevitable.
But I can’t handle the whole “You’re a great friend but I have no romantic interest in you” speech right now. I know they don’t like me.
And yes it hurts and I’m trying really hard to get over this thing I have for them but I just… can’t yet so I’m just trying to ride this whole thing out.
What they don’t know can’t hurt them. They never need to know. And yes, I feel like shit for lying to them because yes, I am lying.
By not telling them, I’m lying and I hate it because they think I don’t trust them, but I do. They’re my best friends, of course I trust them. But I’m selfish and an idiot.
I really need sleep