I'll Leave You First




             
             I'll Leave You First phobiacontest stories
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nitepersonified
nitepersonified ˡᵒᵛᵉ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖ ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖⁱⁿᵍ ᵉᵃʳˡʸ♓🍁
Autoplay OFF   •   5 months ago
So @astralphoenix and @orcastogether have created a phobia poetry contest, here's my response. I know the fear of abandonment can’t be considered as an official phobia but this is something I’ve had for my whole life. To be very honest I never knew what the struggle was or had come to terms with it until recently. It’s really easy to find excuses for my subtle reactions. I don’t particularly think that anyone knows or acknowledges this part of me, and I’m okay with that. I guess I’ve just never found someone to open up to in that way. If I have I assumed they wouldn’t care or they were too busy with their own problems to deal with mine. A little truth about me is that I’d much rather handle and spend hours upon hours aiding others issues then actually facing my own demons, it’s why I use writing as my outlet . At the moment I’m in a good place with my life, but this poem is dedicated to weeks ago, when I was definitely not okay. 🌹🖤

I'll Leave You First

I thought you needed me, Just as I needed you.

In the back of my mind, Guess I already knew.

That I'm not Jasmine, or Cinderella

Not a novel, but a novella

I'm Anastasia

The one who's left behind

Our hands, Will never entwine.

So Understand, When I say.

It's impossible, For me to stay.

Before I love you

Before I hurt

Believe me baby,

I'll leave you first.

Fear Of Abandonment: Signs: - Aiming to please - Intense feelings of separation anxiety - Hypersensitivity to criticism - Feeling insecure and unworthy of love - Quickness to attach - Reluctance to fully commit

- Quickness to move on just to ensure that you don’t get too attached and hurt in the process - Staying in relationships no matter how unhealthy they seem to be. - Engaging in unwanted intimacy

- Blaming yourself constantly for negative things - Find it hard to put your trust in others - Over analyze every little thing to find hidden meanings that aren’t there - Hiding your true emotions, a so called façade

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