When is it enough? When does the course of life start doing things in your favor?
When will i stop second guessing my own self and truly feel free, never shackled by the chains of a destroyed family, only tears drawing from my eyes,
regretting the days of my childhood that i didn't enjoy enough, if I only knew time would turn my life around, into a void of nothingness, where i cannot trust,
where I cannot ever feel joy without it suddenly being ripped away, to return only in brief moments so that I cannot even truly feel it or see it.
A life consists of many downfalls and uprisings, but once your life only starts to fall apart into pieces of unfixable jagged shards, do you still try to collect them?
Even if the shards dig soo deep into your skin that you cannot even tug onto them, as they become one with you, like poison you carry along every day.
Spiteful and angered at those who had it better than you, wrongful it is but it is in our nature, we hate what we have not became or cannot become, we hate those who are accomplished,
those who are truly happy...
In the castle of my mind, I image that I run across blooming meadows, filled with flora and fauna, the sun shining soo brightly that I cannot even gaze at it...but I do not need to.
Even with closed eyes, I can still feel freedom. No one is around, no one is listening to my thoughts of a made up future, no one is tearing them down as they would.
The place i escape to when everything becomes to much to bare, when it all just overtakes you with its weight.
In the end, no one will ever thank you for your tears, for your shaking hands or for your worries.
They will ask you to tell them stories of a great life you've lived, but you fear that if you tell such stories to minds not yet formed,
you might spoil their expectations and ruin their wide smiles.
In the end, you choose. Will you be the one sitting on the couch telling makeshift stories to your grandchildren or will you be rotting away, forgotten...
but at peace with the treacherous world which you once lived in, no matter how much you despise it though, we all return to it.
All this time I've been tell myself to fight, grab, bite for myself but once I'm gone, who will know any of my troubles unless i write them down somewhere far away...
hoping they might be found one day, that those pair of eyes feel what I'm feeling now, if only one tear drops past their cheek, I know I've done well.
Only the weak are threatened by emotion, this is what makes us living, this is what makes us human, never shy away from yourself.
Stay on the path.