“Wow, her name is Bellona.
” I said out of the blue, when I received an email from one of the Human Resource department’s person this morning and surprised because not all Japanese has a name like her.
Then I clicked her profile and blimey, she’s a halfblood, I mean not halfblood like in Harry Potter, halfblood she is Italian and Japanese, Bellona Tanimura.
“What is wrong with that?” said Akiyama-san when he sipped his English Breakfast tea ini my department pantry.
He always spent his morning for small breakfast here, not only Akiyama-san, many people from different departments too, like Satoru-san, Nakajima-kun, Tomomi-chan,
Even my boss sometimes went to this place just want to have a little discuss with me.
“You don’t know what is Bellona mean?” I asked with little frown on my face, I believe.
“Bellona is the of Roman Goddes, Goddes of War precisely.” I explained to him.
“So, is there any different with, I don’t know what is he called, Paris, Mars, Ares? So many Gods." Akiyama-san asked.
“Yes, Ares is a guy, and he is Greek, Mars is actually Ares but in Roman’s version, Paris is the Helen of Troy lover, and all you mention are guy, and this Bellona is chick and she’s Roman.”
“So what is the relation with this Bellona chick and our Bellona HR department?” he fooly asked with mouth full of Oreo biscuit which he took it from my bento box.
“Are you always this dull, dude?” Said Satoru-san suddenly came in my room’s pantry, took a instant latte from the box and pour the hot water from the electric jug to his Son Goku’s mug.
“Hey, I believe you don’t have to say that.” Akiyama-san said and jerked to Satoru-san and again he took Oreo biscuit from my bento box.
“Tsubaki Aoi the Walking Library and Akiyama Kaede the King of Dull, what a perfect combination.
You know, you two is destined to be together, don’t you two feel that?” said Satoru-san and he was walking near Akiyama-san and standing next to him and also picked my Oreo too.
I sweared to God, that what Satori-san said is the wildest idea ever, and secretly I love the idea too.
Actually I like Akiyama-san too, I like him for the first time he gave me smile when I had a terrible problem with some client about a year ago.
A little smile from stranger made my butterfly in my stomach learned to fly. A little smile that could made my heart crushed in to ion and I believe I can’t gather them back.
I like Akiyama-san secretly, maybe it change in to love, but I couldn’t say it to him because I didn’t want to make our relationship right now into suicide.
And after I heard what Satori-san saying, I sweared to God that right now, my face is red, as I felt my blood suddenly rush to my face and it made my face become hot too.
I didnt want anyone see the change on my face right now. I drowed my self to my iPad and trying to read the Bellona chick said in email. There was a big pause when Satoru-san said that statement.
“Ergh hem,” said Akiyama-san cleared his throat. “Well, Satoru-san why you said that, why I should be with her, it’s never be worked out between us.”
What Akiyama said, definetely freaked me out, I didn’t show them of course, but what he said just, do I heard that he indirectly reject me?
I tried to remember again, I hope that I heard wrong, but before I could speak, Satoru-san said with the same expression with me, but less surprised like me.
“Oh, you wrong Kid, I saw you two together lately, and I analysed you two, both of you are incomplete thing and everytime I saw you, when you were together,
both of you no longer the separate human beings, but a complete human beings for all aspects.”
“Can you mention which aspects, Doctor?” Akiyama-san demanding the answer, when I saw his face, his face is the combination of tense, anger and also some shame.
Yeah, from his face, I know, I heard it right, he didn’t want me, he didn’t like me, he never saw me like I always saw him. In fact he didn’t love me like I love him.
“Like what were you talking bout today, you with lack of knowledge and Tsubaki-chan explained this and that.” Said Satoru-san while he sipped his latte.
“I know I’m stupid, but it doesn’t make a count if I and Tsubaki-san are the incomplete things like what you said earlier.”
Yeah, now I saw it clearly, that Akiyama-san rejected me.
It hurt, I felt like today God’s arrow hit me now is not arrow of love, but arrow of clarity that I must not have a huge expectation that Akiyama-san would loves me back, he doesn’t,
he doesn’t love me at all. So for all the time I spent, the time I expected him, now become meaningless, like today’s pantry things is become meaningless thing for me.
Now everytime I glanced at Akiyama-san’s face, I felt like a hundred knives throw at my heart by unseen baseball pitcher.
I saw Akiyama-san and Satoru-san still in the debate of I didin’t want to know at all.
“Guys, hey guys, knocked it off. All you said today is just piece of shit in the shitty morning. Let me excuse myself, there so many thing I have to do today.
” I said to stopped them and I was sure that both of them are dumbfounded heard my excuses and I also tried to not look both of them, and stand up from my chair,
and head back my original room where all my stuffs lies.
There was very light raining, when I was walking to the station to head back to my parents home.
I phoned my sister Kana, to wait a little longer because I had so many works to do and it had to be done because of due date. I’ve done call my sister.
And I put my cell back to my bag and started to head to the station.
“Why should I be with her, it’s never be worked out between us.”
Hell, that was a memory about a month ago, such a dumb and somehow kind of absurd memory. He is Akiyama-kun, he is one of my co-worker and he is one sided love guy until now.
Myself just did not know too why, that memory came so flashy at the time like this.
The station was not that crowded, since this moment were holiday moment, so many citizen were going somewhere to other side of city even overseas.
I do miss this moment so much, when I could feel so solitary and peaceful. I straight went to the bench, then I saw the person that I would give everything for not dealing with.
Yeah there was Akiyama-kun himself sit at the bench, alone and seemed little bit gloomy.
I just sat there and hoping that he did not realize I was the one who sat at the bench, but it was misfortune, he turned his head and saw me.
Then he smiled at me, so I did not have other choice than try to build conversation with him.
Well if it related to my memory, he did not know if that made me got into it and around five minutes later my train will arrived
“Hi Akiyama.” Said I.
“Hi.“ he replied.
“Are you alone?” I asked him
“Yeah.” His simple reply and a smile still attached when looking at me.
Then there was a silent. Akiyama is not a talkative person, he seems decent and gentle.
But somehow before that absurd moment happened, he is a funny and easy laughing person especially when we unintendedly met each other.
“Are you waiting for someone?” asked me again.
“Yeah. Sort of.” Again he gave me a simple replied but he still gently looking at me.
He is right, this never gonna work out for us, the simple conversation to breaking the situation was not worked at all.
Now I only had a little wish, to speed up my train to come and swept me out from this awkward situation and conversation.
And thanks to God, He heard my wish, the announcement of my train is bugging me and just a moment I heard a train sound from the distance and slowly approaching.
“My train has come. Farewell.”
The train door was opened right before my eyes.
I took a deep breathe then I stepped in the train and just go straight to find the empty seat and tried so hard not to turn my head around to see Akiyama-kun outside.
That was my final goodbye.
I promised to myself that I would not looking for and looking at Akiyama-kun anymore, and if we met someday,
I will just consider that was unintendedly just because we were in the same workplace. Well when I came to think of it, it was not his fault at all. The fault is in me.
“Farewell Akiyama-kun, I’m glad that I loved you although for the short moment.” I said out loud in deep within my heart.