I fall easily
Before I fall hard.
It takes a split second for me,
To fall for someone that I haven’t yet met.
Like a punch in the chest,
Wiping out all the other feelings of that moment.
It starts from the way they smile,
The way they laugh.
It finishes when I’m not in the same vicinity,
Drifting away towards a new place,
A new love.
I’ve fallen for more people than I remember,
All completely different,
And yet have one thing in common,
I fell for them because of who they were.
I am twenty-one years old,
I’ve never been in a relationship.
I’ve never felt I was worthy,
That just being myself was enough to be with someone.
I don’t have any confidence either,
Not in the slightest.
When I see the people I’ve fallen for,
I freeze completely,
I can’t speak,
I can barely breathe.
My face is a huge stop sign that glows red,
Like embers dying at the end of a long-burning fire.
I am overwhelmed by this force,
Pressing down on me like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
I’d like to think that some of my potentials,
Once liked me back.
That it wasn’t such a one-sided affair,
An unrequited love.
I won’t know though,
I haven’t seen most of them in years,
I still remember their names,
Their faces, personalities.
I don’t think it’s something I’ll ever forget.
I want to thank them though,
Every time I fell for someone,
They made me learn something about myself,
Whether it be good, bad, embarrassing,
Something worth learning.
I’d never take it back,
I loved loving them,
I loved loving you.