Falling. Failing. I need help save me from myself
I don't want to die, I don't want to kill myself. It would just be great not to exist for a while. let time stop.
Conflict with my self. I read what I write and fucking hate every word.
Why can't I concentrate I feel so, so tired why is it always why.
I never know it's so scary I feel like i'm going mad I'm such a piece of shit there's something wrong with me but it's not me I can't fucking see it but it's right there
But i'm wrong
But i'm wrong there is an end to this, there is something after, there is something
But i'm wrong there is an end to this, there is something after, there is something better.
why can't I see it why does this feel like forever why can't I retain things what I need to do what day it is why do I feel so numb but frustrated but so tired but so low but that doesn't even sum it up it's so much worse
I'm weak so weak
why can't I manage Why do I have to drag others down with me why why do I have no control
CONTROL IT FUCKING TRY
CONTROL IT FUCKING TRY ITS YOUR OWN FUCKING BRAIN
CONTROL IT FUCKING TRY ITS YOUR OWN FUCKING BRAIN BUT HERE I AM FUCKING REPEATING MYSELF OVER AND OVER
READING WHAT IV'E WRITTEN AND GETTING SO FUCKING WORKED UP WHY AM I LIKE THIS
just say 'no' and move on
just say 'no' and move on Just say 'yes' and let the feeling leave naturally
I FEEL IT AND I FEEL IT AND IT'S HERE ALL THE TIME AND I GET NO BREAKS NO BREAKS
AND IT'S ONLY GETTING WORSE AND WORSE OR ITFEELS LIKE IT ANYWAY BUT IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN A PROBLEM JUST MY SHITTY BRAIN ATTENTION SEEKING I CAN'T ANALYSE MYSELF ANYMORE THERAPY DOESN'T FUCKING WORK
there's no sense
there's no sense I can't do it anymore.
there's no sense I can't do it anymore. I'm so weak
when these exams are over then what back to 'normal' in the hands of apathy only to wait for the next fuck up of my life so I can feel like absolute shit again
I give myself acid reflux, nausea and a bunch of other shit over fucking mocks is that even the reason? is that it? or maybe there's JUST NO REASON whatever, I can't do this anymore