I'm only 15
I'm only 15 stories

monkeycewawaA poet who wants to express themselves
Autoplay OFF  •  10 months ago
I'm sorry for the depressing posts. I'll try to posts happier ones tomorrow.

I'm only 15

I shouldn't be dreaming of death

just living through the days waiting

hiding my scars

drawing late at night

no pen or paper

instead with a knife

and my skin

the pale soft skin

having to get a bandage because the cut got a little deep

pushing back tears

just so they can come back at night

when you're most vulnerable

and fragile

you want to go to sleep

but you're depression says no

and then insomnia kicks in

3 a.m. what do I do?

if I try to sleep I will just be staring at the back of my eyes

cutting to feel like I'm alive because I'm so dead inside

writing to keep my sanity

always hoping to feel pain so, the inner pain gets dulled

telling friends and relatives how much I love them

doing randomness of kindness to people to try to make yourself feel better and others happier

help people in any way you can to keep occupied

letting yourself be alone

bad idea

more scars

deeper this time

how much longer can I take this?

hiding my pain for others to be happy

getting really good at pretending

making so many bracelets to keep my thoughts at bay

one for each friend with a note

writing on yourself with pen and marker to keep from cutting

giving yourself bruises because you deserve them

waves of loneliness and cravings for self-harm

breaking habits for the better

living for your family

hating the way you act


and am

forgetting that their are people who love you

isolating yourself from others

not talking or laughing as much

slowly drilling my way down a hole

no rope to hang on to



until you hit rock bottom and quit

but I will never let myself do that

the people around me don't need my pain

I can deal with it and keep moving forward

if you keep moving forward it will get better you just have to keep going and keep yourself occupied

- I'm sorry my posts have kind of been depressing. Writing about it just somehow makes it feel better and numbs the pain. I hope you have a good rest of the day/night!! Please don't let this post get you down and don't worry about me.

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