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mollive
molliveCommunity member
Autoplay OFF  •  6 months ago
Any time I imagine talking to you, I have an internal battle,

Okay

Any time I imagine talking to you,

I have an internal battle,

I wonder whether or not I should tell the truth,

I wonder if I should simply shout I don’t know,

Maybe if you loved me,

I could stop having to answer questions I do not know the answer to,

I don’t know if I am okay,

I do not know how I am feeling lately,

My feelings are not some temperature that is measured,

They are the ocean being held back by a dam built by silly little beavers,

A castle built of popsicle sticks being hit by nuclear weapons,

At any moment,

My dam could break,

My castle could burn to the ground,

And a tsunami could roll over

And I may not be so okay,

So, when you ask if I am doing well,

Which should I tell you,

That I do not know when my next episode will be,

If it will a month before I want to sleep in my beds for weeks,

Or whether or not it will be tomorrow,

I don’t know when my crazy mind will image a car hitting me from the middle of nowhere,

When I will stop imaging random peoples’ death,

When I will stop imaging going crazy,

When I will stop imaging all the things that could go wrong,

When I will stop imaging irrational fears that are completely possible

I do not know what to say,

when you ask me if I am okay

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