I realized hedging bets against the universe never works. I could go with the flow or die fighting against it.
This was my biggest struggle: I was fighting to forge a path that was already written for me.
Every time I strayed from it,I was pushed back into an endless loop of self deception and self loathing. Causing detriment to myself, then looking to the sky and crying out for answers.
The sky would look back in pity, in the simplest of ways letting me know the answer was right in front of me all along.
It sounds cliche and annoyingly obvious, but I was my own tragic character; A hedonistic emotional vagabond who lusted so much for her own freedom she blinded herself from it.