I hate summer
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mitchel"Fight it,take the pain,ignite it"
Autoplay OFF  •  3 months ago
Awareness.

I hate summer

by mitchel

I'm sitting on the ground

It's 2 am in the morning.

Everything is silent and everyone is asleep right now.

Only I am awake.

The air is steamy, kind of muggy. It's so hot in here, still. I'm barely breathing.

But not because of the vaporous air..

My soul is begging for air, begging for release. I just can't take it anymore.

I'm sitting on the ground

Surrounded by absolute darkness. The mirror in front of me, it shows nothing beautiful anymore for a long time now.

I feel so empty

Not empty of words, not empty of feelings or thoughts. But empty of happiness, satisfaction and confidence.

My mind is full of thoughts and feelings

But they're simply stamped of sadness and anger. Anger about myself.

Why can't I be thin, beautiful or pretty?

These questions are running through my mind up and down, round and round, night and day.

I hate summer

Because that's the time everybody can see more parts of your body, of your shape, of your proportion.

And then they start to judge.

they start to talk about you, to think about you. Wether unconscious or on purpose they'll show you what they think about you.

And it hurts.

it hurts so bad..every time I have to go outside I'm struggling..with myself, my body, my weight, simply with everything.

And the worst thing is

that I know that nothing, no words and no actions, will ever change a thing about how I feel.

Not until

I'll see myself as pretty or beautiful, and I don't think this is ever going to happen cause I am what I am and no matter how hard I wish for it..I'll always stay the same..

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mitchelBronze Comma"Fight it,take the pain,ignite it"
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mitchelBronze Comma"Fight it,take the pain,ignite it"
3 months agoReply
@heidilobecker thank you so much!:) I hope it will be a "summer of beauty" for both of us❤️

3 months agoReply
I've found beauty in myself when I found beauty in nature. I am part of the beautiful word. God does not make garbage! I wish you a summer of beauty.

bryanthomasGifted WriterIn my spare time I juggle fog.
3 months agoReply
@mitchel Aww, thank you!

mitchelBronze Comma"Fight it,take the pain,ignite it"
3 months agoReply
@bryanthomas I think I need more people like you around me:)

bryanthomasGifted WriterIn my spare time I juggle fog.
3 months agoReply
You are very welcome, mitchel. Strangely enough, the prettiest girls/women are usually the most insecure about their looks/body image. I wouldn't worry too much about strangers, friends/family are the important people in your life. Some strangers will see your inner beauty, your special qualities, and they may become friends with you, if they aren't interested in you, that's their loss. Take care.

mitchelBronze Comma"Fight it,take the pain,ignite it"
3 months agoReply
@bryanthomas thank you for your beautiful words, they basically made my day. But nowadays, inner beauty isn't always what other people see in you..strangers just get to see your body, your shape. Most of them don't care if you're a good person to hang out with, or someone with a good heart.. they just see that you externally don't fit in.

bryanthomasGifted WriterIn my spare time I juggle fog.
3 months agoReply
Some people may not be considered to be beautiful on the outside but they have an inner beauty that makes them particularly special. Beauty is only skin deep.