He texted me first, I swear, (if I’m innocent why am I swearing honesty?) But I answered next.
I have a boyfriend, I kept reminding myself. As I continued to type yet another response to him. Why am I doing this? It’s not right. He answered again. And so did I.
Suddenly, a notification from a different conversation made an appearance. It’s him, my boyfriend, “Whatcha doing?” My thumbs hovered for a moment. “Nothing.”
The guilty pleasure I felt when we exchanged lengthy, humorous, full conversations wasn’t right. And I knew it. It eventually turned into flirtatious texts, ping-ponging between us. And I never missed the ball.
What am I DOING?! I thought in frustration. How is this fair to my boyfriend? Most importantly: why am I enjoying it?…
I was ashamed of what I was doing, I needed to stop. The next message he sent me was the smack in the face that I needed: “Nudes?” One word that can change everything between two people.
“Nobody has to know.” Was the following message. “No. I have a boyfriend and I am loyal to him. I gotta go bye.” I swiped the conversation left to delete it and turned off my phone.
I am shameful, I’m not good enough for my boyfriend. He shouldn’t have to be with someone who texts other guys behind his back. My thoughts pummeled my heart, making me feel horrible.
And the worst part of it all: I don’t think I have the dignity to tell him.