we haven’t spoke in a long time.
i miss you. but i don’t miss you.
remember when we first met?
you were by my side when i was alone.
we created a friend group. met new people. they were nice.
we got to middle school. we planned to graduate together and be business partners in the future.
ha. what a joke.
we grew apart. our friend group tumbled. well, for me. you guys still hung out.
what about me? am i invisible now?
i brought us together. and you left me.
at first i thought it was my fault. did i do something bad to harm you? did i not fit your standards? was i too ugly?
no. it was because i pretended to be innocent huh. you were fed up with me not knowing things.
oh i knew. i knew everything.
we’re now in 8th grade, waiting to graduate.
i messaged you over the summer, you know?
you responded two months later.
not to catch up too. to ask me what went on in class.
that’s when i realized.
you liked me because of me in the beginning. but then you stuck with me because i was too naive, and was willing to help.
i still am. i can’t help it.
i send messages in our group chat once in a while. no one ever responds. only diana does.
i’m disgusting. why would i still cling on to someone who doesn’t even want me for... me?
i ask myself every night. what could i have done to prevent this? if i have never pretended, would we still be best friends? were we even best friends in the first place?
looking back at our memories, i don’t think i would have regretted meeting you. all of you. i still love you guys for being there for me.
if you want to leave me behind, that’s fine. i would thank you for all the memories.
and that’s enough for me.
to [redacted], who was my best friend throughout fifth to seventh grade.