How To Be A "Normal" Girl
How To Be A "Normal" Girl  humor stories
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mintchippoodle
mintchippoodleFANGIRLLLLLLLL, ENTP, Wattpad Writer.
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
My original humorous interpretation of social norms [at least in average American girls]. This is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings, just to open up people's eyes to what our world is sadly coming to.

How To Be A "Normal" Girl

by mintchippoodle

Disclaimer:

If you get offended easily, do not read this. This post is to be taken lightly and as a joke. And if you are trying to be normal, don't follow this advice.

Use lots of unnatural makeup to cover up your true beauty.

Because society loves girls who look like their faces were colored by a kindergartner who hasn't heard of "flesh" colored crayons.

You can only be normal and popular if...

you wear wool boots that cost over $90. And you must wear them every day to show your dominance over the people who cannot afford them.

Make sure the world can stalk you!

Take as many selfies as possible. You want to set your goal for at least 100 million selfies per day. In case it isn't blatantly obvious, a TON of people care about you eating your curry soup.

Always wear leggings.

Especially wear your 100 dollar Uggs with them. Because, like, bae, it's so original.

Never leave without your Starbucks.

Always make sure you are drinking Starbucks. Because everyone knows that an overpriced cup of coffee that lasts a maximum of 30 minutes is completely worth your money.

Make sure you straighten your long hair every day.

Put it in a deep side part and make sure it's free of frizz. Oh yeah, and complain about your hair 24/7. Even if you think that it's perfect.

Play dumb in front of guys.

No, seriously, everybody loves someone who pretends they're something they're not. They'll never be able to see past your obvious fake outs.

Buy glammed-up jeans that cost a mint.

Yeah, ok. Lots of people care about how many diamonds are on your butt. And when you sit down, it's so comfortable to sit on hard, spiky, and edgy stones.

Complain about anything and everything.

We're having cookies and pizza for lunch! [But why? I hate how greasy pizza is. And the cookies you made aren't chewy in the middle and crunchy on the outside. They aren't like my mom blah-]

OMG your makeup is so on FLEEK!

Yea, I tightlined my eyes today with my new black eye pencil from Maybelline! It was only, like, $200. Omg wow that's such a good deal girlfrieeeend! I knoooow riiiiiiight? Like, I can't even!

Make sure you go street style every once in a while.

And flaunt everything you have in front of total strangers. Oh yes, and complain about them hitting on you.

I hope you enjoyed this!

I'll be adding more as I think about social "norms"

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