Well it hasn't been that long since I first wrote about you
When I wrote it I felt a sense of having let go of something
Maybe I was finally just letting myself feel something I had been denying a while...
That you had a hold on me, as tenuous and unfounded as that was
But little did I know that when I wrote my first story that I would see you again so soon
I had just handed in my last assignment, I was on a high and decided to walk home
I walked past the university of technology and I don't know why but suddenly you sprung to mind
It probably lasted a grand total of five seconds, but I had a day dream about you
I imagined running into you outside the university. You were there to see a friend's graduation.
I imagined us spotting each other. You smiled at me.
You said hello, gave me a big hug and introduced me to your friends
I got a bit flustered but smiled and charmed my way through it, the way I always do
You then asked me to join you and your friends for lunch, I declined at first not wanting to impose
But you insisted and so did the your friends, more the merrier they said!
That was where my day dream left off
I continued up the street with my earphones in, skipping sad songs, feeling silly I was thinking of you again
I was only five minutes down the same street when the unbelievable happened
I saw a familiar face up ahead in a flurry of pedestrians crossing the road
My heart leapt in my chest as I tried to work out what was going on. Was I seeing things? Was I imagining things?
I had just thought of you minutes before, and there you were walking towards me
Your hometown is a six hour drive away. You study and work there. You told me you didn't know this part of my city well. Why would you be here, crossing this road? Could it really be you?
But it was. As you walked past I saw the snowflake birthmark on your left cheek and I knew it was you.
I thought we made eye contact. But you didn't stop, you didn't seem to notice me.
Maybe I just thought you saw me....? Maybe you saw me but didn't recognise me...?
Why didn't I say hi to you then?
To be fair it happened so fast and I was shocked.
It felt like suddenly I had summoned you to Sydney just by thinking about you
And by the time I knew it was you for sure..you were passing me by
Also I would have had to throw a few grannies out of the way to get to you, it was a busy walkway...
I continued walking up the street in a daze like a sleepwalker
what just happened?
I felt sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed, weirded out all at once.
Did you really not see me? Or did you not want to talk? Did you feel bad you were in town but hadn't contacted me?
But why would you feel that way...we don't owe each other anything...? Right?
But then again we did write to each other for several months, we spent a day together in nature... we shared our stories, I showed you my family home, you met my dogs...
Maybe it's not just me who feels we "nearly" had something, Maybe you feel the same way too.
But if that's the case... there's something I have to acknowledge, something sad...
...I can only assume from your actions that you don't want to be mean, you don't want to be cruel... ...but ultimately you are content for us to stay that way.
For us to stay as a "nearly."
I can understand that, and I will respect that...
But forgive me for laughing about it from time to time..
Because I just can't believe "nearly" nearly happened again.