EPA to Investigate Smokey Bear.
EPA to Investigate Smokey Bear.  stories
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mhkmelvin
mhkmelvinCommunity member
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
AP news article on Smokey Bear.

EPA to Investigate Smokey Bear.

Did anyone else catch this article in the news? You have to read it. I know it may be a little long, but it is quite interesting.

We all know the name ‘Smokey Bear’, and the work he has done through out his life to help prevent the spread of forest fires.

He has worked for years to educate the folks who spend time in the wilderness, to be careful with any campfires they build.

He has also traveled across the country teaching our young ones the dangers of playing with fire. Who can ever forget Smokey’s motto, ‘Only YOU can prevent forest fires!’

But what you may not know, what only a few do know, is that dear ole Smokey, has a few skeletons in his den.

Through his notoriety and fame, Smokey has for years, been able to keep his family secrets; secret.

But after interviewing a few friends and members of his family, who have requested to remain anonymous: this reporter has uncovered some of those secrets.

Smokey Bear has always shown a persona of righteousness and good to the American public, but when one looks behind the closed doors of the Bear’s elaborate cave,

all bought and paid for form the monies he made portraying the all American good guy, the awful truth is revealed.

Not many people know that there is a Mrs. Smokey Bear.

Smokey has kept his marriage hidden behind the leafy cover of the forests for decades; it was only through the truth in records law that was recently adjudicated to include

our animal friends that these facts came to the light of day.

It was in the famous murder trial case of the United States versus Mr.

Bugs Bunny, for the murder of one Elmer Fudd, which the American public first got to see behind the curtains of our fine furry friends. Although Mr.

Bunny was acquitted of all charges, citing harassment and stalking by Mr.

Fudd and admitting to a long addiction to the nefarious drug Carotene, some disturbing things were brought to the light of day,

and the Congress acted quickly to ensure that everyone had the right to know everything about these beloved creatures,

and they unanimously passed the amendment to have the information about the lives of our animal hero’s to be as accessible as the lives of our human hero’s through the ‘Right to Information Act’.

I first decided to check into dear ole Smokey, when the news was reporting all the new wildfires that have been popping up across the country the past few years.

I found it strange that with everyone knowing all about fire safety that so many fires would be being started accidentally.

I also found it oddly eerie that through all this, Smokey has remained mostly silent. So I decided to do a little checking on our friend Mr. Smokey Bear.

The first thing I uncovered was the fact that Smokey was married. According to the marriage license bureau, he was married in 1984, to a Miss Mama Bear.

Immediately my curiosity was piqued and I checked to see if this lady, Miss Bear, was any relation to the well known Mama Bear I remembered from my childhood.

Sure enough, after a little more digging through some old dusty record bins, I found Miss Bear to be one in the same as Mama Bear.

According to the few newspaper reports that I was able to find, Mama Bear, filed for divorce with Papa Bear, shortly after she caught him in bed with a cute little blonde.

The news reports did not mention her by name, stating that she was a minor. They simply called her the Minor child “G”. I think we all know who she was.

Although no charges were ever filed against Mr. Papa Bear, the once poor Grandma G quickly moved into a mansion in the Charming’s neighborhood and quit her job at the porridge factory.

Although they were just rumors, most believe Mr. Papa Bear paid out quite a handsome sum to avoid prosecution.

It was shortly after their divorce that the now rich and free Miss Mama Bear met Smokey at the annual ‘Benefit Bears’ convention in Las Vegas.

A quick romance ensued and they were married within days. All seemed well, until Smokey learned of the existence of one Baby Bear.

Smokey was never one that was good with babies, and the mere existence of this whinny little ball of fur soon extinguished the flames of love between Smokey and Mama.

Poor little Baby Bear felt ignored. His real father, Papa, never visited, nor paid his child support, and Mama was always out seeking the honey of other bears.

It had been years since Baby Bear even saw his father.

He tried to turn to Smokey for the fatherly attention a child needs, but Smokey was always to busy traveling the country promoting fire safety,

or having wild animal sex with his Mama to have any time for Baby.

As the years passed, Baby grew to resent Smokey for not only ignoring him, but for also taking his mother away from him.

He tried to get attention from Smokey, but no matter what he did, at the end of the day he was alone and ignored.

He also hated the fact that everyone he met wanted him to introduce them to his step-father, the famous Smokey Bear.

It was during one such conversation, when the younger of the Bernstein Bears, was begging him for an introduction to Smokey that Baby Bear came up with an ingenious plan.

A plan to get the attention he thought he so rightly deserved.

Baby Bear spent three days strategizing over his plan. He designed a cap similar to the one Smokey wore, and came up with his own motto and changed his name.

If Smokey wouldn’t willingly spend time with him, he would force him to make time for him by creating major problems for Smokey.

So it was on a warm, dry, windy day that Baby Bear ceased to exist.

As he knelt down in the forest and struck his first match and touched it to the dry underbrush, he looked squarely into the camera of the web cam he had set up so the entire world would see,

and boldly said, in a mocking tone to Smokey,

“I’m Sparky Bear, and only YOU can prevent a forest!”

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