Diary of a Lonely Man - Part 15
Diary of a Lonely Man - Part 15 stories
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mhfiver
mhfiverThe Lonely Man
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
...111 When i'm down, you bring me up

Diary of a Lonely Man - Part 15

...111

When i'm down, you bring me up

When i cry, you hug me tight

When i laugh, you laugh with me

When i'm here, i feel your might

Nothing else could i describe

As love hungry other than I

But they'll help me on the way

They will lead me, i'll survive

Save me when i'm drowned in sorrow.

Take me by the hand and go

Lead me to a better future

of compassion and of love

I think i'm not worthy of it

That i shouldn't bog them down

But with genuine warm smiles

Piercing words they saaay!

We will not let you go back

To the dark deep pit of loneliness

We will all bring you with ourselves

We care for you as you do for us

You're the friend we always wanted

We're the ones that must thank you

Your kind words and soothing touches

They heal more than we could do

We are all together now

All for one and one for all

Forget about being alone

You are part of us from now!

Never i though that would happen

To a person such as i

Flawed being with so many weak spots

Liability by their side

I will do my best to help them

They deserve the best of me

If they say i can truly heal them

Then a healer i will be

When you're down, i bring you up

When you cry, i'll hug you tight

When you laugh, i laugh with you

When you're here, you'll feel my kind

...112

I think i'm starting to understand the dynamics of my family and myself...

The only person here i can openly express love is my mother.

Which makes my sister jealous.

Okay, i'm not sure about the previous statement, but hear me out...

She's very, VERY closed and aggressive about human contact.

She said that she tried to rely on others for kindness and love but they failed.

And now she has to do her best to look strong and independent.

Which means i can only be kind to mom.

And as much as she doesn't like contact...

...I don't know, i feel like she craves it and i'm just teasing her.

"Why didn't you hug me?"

"Why don't you tend to me?"

"Why is it always mom?"

"Do i not deserve it?"

And so, it makes her hate our mother with a freaking passion.

Now, i don't want to stop being kind and loving to my mother, because i realize she needs emotional support too.

But my sis doesn't have the smallest clue on how much i'd want to love her as much as i love others.

I'm just afraid.

The walls she built around herself. I need to break them if i want to get into her skin.

I need to break the wall, or somehow trespass it.

The right moment, the right way.

I can't say i haven't tried to have physical contact with her.

Always denied.

So i respected her wishes.

But.

But i feel i am the only one that can break this wall.

I'm the only one that can give her love.

My sister needs me. I need to be strong for her.

Today i tried hugging her before she went to drawing class.

But i didn't have enough courage.

I can see her sobbing all the time with swolen eyes.

She says it's the allergies, but i know what it is.

And i want to fix it.

I want to cure it.

I want to mend the ripped heart of my sister.

I know she wants it.

I know she needs it.

I'm her big brother.

I must be strong for her too.

I need to talk to her about it.

Because, to be fair, i also want the touch.

The hug.

The warm.

I want her to be sure i can be by her side whenever she wants.

I want her to count on me when she wants help.

I want her to know i'll give her a hug and a kiss whenever she wants.

She there.

Our rooms beside each other.

So close, yet so distant.

Now you may remember about something i've talked about a long time ago.

Incest.

Honestly, the only thing i understand to be objectively bad is that pregnancy is a big no.

Cause genetics.

But...other than that.

I...really can't see anything wrong with it.

Maybe i'm fucked up? Maybe i'm just desperate?

But nonetheless, i would never do anything to my sister she wouldn't want me to.

I have the utmost respect for her.

And i'm not approaching her with this sole purpose.

I know she needs kindness and love.

I know she misses it.

Every time she cries.

It's because she's alone.

I'm her brother.

I must help her.

She needs me right now.

I can't be absent.

I can't be cowardly.

I need to help my family.

It is falling apart before my eyes.

It's broken beyond repair, but i want to prevent even more damage.

And i feel the only way i can help my family.

Is with her.

She's the black sheep.

I must be the understanding and caring big bro. Always.

She's family. She's important.

She's my sister.

She will be forever.

Unbreakable bond.

I need to make it stronger though.

It may not break, but it may become so thin it may as well not exist.

The bond becomes thinner every day.

I must rescue this.

I have the power.

I may be the only one that can do this.

I can't delay.

As soon as she's available, i'm gonna sit besides her and try and talk this out.

I'm just...

...afraid that my heart will be broken once more.

Another denial.

I don't want to be denied of love once more.

Okay, keep it together.

You'll need to be the strong and confident one.

You'll need to assure her that you'll give her enough affection.

You'll need to not cry.

So cry now.

Later, maybe she'll be the one crying....

...113

Oh my god.

They're doing it.

Okay, so after all you've read about me wanting to be with my sister...

...Well, i asked for help.

Atlas, me and Dein went with a plan.

She added my sister as a friend, then she and Dein started talking to her about how i was feeling down.

It's working.

Holy crap it's actually working.

I was afraid my sister would immediately reject them.

But she's being nice to both of them and really spewing her feelings out.

It's so amazing.

I'm such a mastermind.

Okay, sarcasm aside, it was something that blew my mind.

"What if my friends talked with my sister about me?"

It just clicked.

Like, i was the man with the plan.

Okay, i really hope it works out.

To makes us closer together.

They're such amazing friends.

I guess i'm worthy of such endeavors.

It makes me feel better about myself.

But it's not over yet.

It's going on as i type.

Please let it work.

Please let it work.

Please please please.

Just this time.

Please.

Okay they sent me another screen...

...Other nice sayings and a photo of my sister.

Seems like things are going pretty good.

Okay now she's talking to me.

...About wanting to be alone.

About enjoying solitude.

This is why i didn't want to try again.

I won't be able to reapproximate with her.

I won't be able to give her affection.

I won't be able to help her.

Never.

I feel like i failed.

Atlas' still trying. Dein went to sleep.

Let's see if things improve.

...Nah.

They tried their best.

I was too enthusiastic about it.

Thigs seems the same now.

Maybe they'll change in the future.

Who knows?

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