𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀 𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞
𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀 𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞
 sad stories
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melodywrld
melodywrld Teenage poet w/ a crazy life <3
Autoplay OFF   •   6 months ago
<3 (this is probably the longest poem I've ever written:79 pages btw) when I was at the age of 7 to 11 I had an eating disorder which affected my life badly

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀 𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞

I scream, yet I am not heard.

I scream, yet I am not heard. I try to talk, but my mouth won't open.

I scream, yet I am not heard. I try to talk, but my mouth won't open. I am not myself anymore,

I scream, yet I am not heard. I try to talk, but my mouth won't open. I am not myself anymore, but I can tell that to no one.

It talks through my mouth

It talks through my mouth And always shouts and screams.

It talks through my mouth And always shouts and screams. It tells me I'm not good enough

It talks through my mouth And always shouts and screams. It tells me I'm not good enough and stamps on all my dreams.

It tears me from my loved ones

It tears me from my loved ones and rips their hearts in two,

It tears me from my loved ones and rips their hearts in two, for they think that I'm dying,

It tears me from my loved ones and rips their hearts in two, for they think that I'm dying, but it says that that's not true.

They say I'm in denial,

They say I'm in denial, but it says there's nothing wrong,

They say I'm in denial, but it says there's nothing wrong, I'm so confused and lost.

They say I'm in denial, but it says there's nothing wrong, I'm so confused and lost. I feel like I don't belong.

It's a part of me now.

It's a part of me now. I know I'm never alone,

It's a part of me now. I know I'm never alone, for it's always there with me,

It's a part of me now. I know I'm never alone, for it's always there with me, even when I'm on my own.

But life doesn't feel worth living,

But life doesn't feel worth living, and I just want to cry.

But life doesn't feel worth living, and I just want to cry. I want to be myself again,

But life doesn't feel worth living, and I just want to cry. I want to be myself again, But it's too difficult to try.

I let it control me now,

I let it control me now, as it has stuck to me.

I let it control me now, as it has stuck to me. Although it lies to everyone,

I let it control me now, as it has stuck to me. Although it lies to everyone, I know I can never be free.

But as the months go by,

But as the months go by, I know that I'm growing weak,

But as the months go by, I know that I'm growing weak, and at the rate I'm going,

But as the months go by, I know that I'm growing weak, and at the rate I'm going, my future is looking bleak.

My friends talk to me,

My friends talk to me, and I just want to reply,

My friends talk to me, and I just want to reply, but it tells them that I'm okay,

My friends talk to me, and I just want to reply, but it tells them that I'm okay, and I know that it's a lie.

I start to think that maybe everyone might have been right,

I start to think that maybe everyone might have been right, but it tells me that they're lying,

I start to think that maybe everyone might have been right, but it tells me that they're lying, and I am filled with fright.

I don't want to die,

I don't want to die, but I'm terrified I might.

I don't want to die, but I'm terrified I might. No one else can save me.

I don't want to die, but I'm terrified I might. No one else can save me. It's me who has to fight.

But I still cannot talk,

But I still cannot talk, as it controls my mind,

But I still cannot talk, as it controls my mind, so I just keep on lying,

But I still cannot talk, as it controls my mind, so I just keep on lying, leaving my friends behind.

I cannot fight the voice,

I cannot fight the voice, for it's far too strong,

I cannot fight the voice, for it's far too strong, I don't know who I am without it.

I cannot fight the voice, for it's far too strong, I don't know who I am without it. It's been in my head for too long.

I'm trapped in my own head,

I'm trapped in my own head, but I know I must resist,

I'm trapped in my own head, but I know I must resist, for if I keep believing it,

I'm trapped in my own head, but I know I must resist, for if I keep believing it, I will not to exist.

No doctor is lying to me,

No doctor is lying to me, no loved one wants me to die,

No doctor is lying to me, no loved one wants me to die, but it is controlling me

No doctor is lying to me, no loved one wants me to die, but it is controlling me and making me constantly lie.

I know the truth somewhere inside of me,

I know the truth somewhere inside of me, and all I can do now is resist that voice daily.

It's tough to fight the voice every single day.

It's tough to fight the voice every single day. But I know it's best for me.

It's tough to fight the voice every single day. But I know it's best for me. I want to be okay.

The road is long and winding,

The road is long and winding, and the battle is uphill,

The road is long and winding, and the battle is uphill, but recovery is the only way out,

The road is long and winding, and the battle is uphill, but recovery is the only way out, as eating disorders can kill.

I am myself again now,

I am myself again now, after many years,

I am myself again now, after many years, and while it is still present,

I am myself again now, after many years, and while it is still present, I do not listen to its jeers.

My life is for me to live,

My life is for me to live, not to just survive.

My life is for me to live, not to just survive. Beating my eating disorder was the only way to thrive.

Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible. You can fight the voice.

Recovery is possible. You can fight the voice. You can regain control.

Recovery is possible. You can fight the voice. You can regain control. Recovery is your choice. -, 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐝𝐲𝐰𝐫𝐥𝐝

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