I honestly hate how much I miss you. The first few months were the worse. That all too familiar sense of dread. The shake. The pit in the stomach. The sore, empty pain in my chest.
Your absence reverberated through me. But as the months dragged on, you moved forward. Myself, I stayed stagnant. Forever snagged on your hook. Left unattended. I flailed. I lashed. I berated.
I couldn't give you up. Even if it meant trying to tear you down. Your attention was what I craved. I lost your care, so I sought your hate. But you still grew and I still stayed.
I havent stopped missing you. Though the memories dont course through my brain as often, they still reappear. After a few drinks and drags, my mind wanders to the thought of you.
This light I was blinded by, yet so attracted to. I was like a moth to a flame. I may never have you again. I may never again get to fall asleep knowing you'll be right there next to me. I'll move on.
Ive been trying so hard. Theres even guilt. Some day though, my mind will finally take you out of storage one last time. I can't wait to see that day. But you'll always remain with me.
You were a milestone, my wandernug. You made me feel a warmth I hadn't felt in years. And I'll always cherish the 6 exact months(10/29/16 to 04/29/17) when we were something to each other.
Wander well. I'll do my best to do the same. I'll always wish for your happiness. As I've said many a times, it's all I've ever wanted for you.